so i sit here pounding out another string of possibly
senseless words
wondering if it means anything to anyone else
wondering if it will ever mean something beyond what it
means now
and if so
why
the evolution of these wondering, wandering words
that spill across the page in torrents of raw
ill expressed emotion
that is more clearly formed by impressions and colours
motions dancing and coursing through my brain
than by the few meagre words that i can use to try to
express them
though words i must craft an identity with which to describe
myself
though words i must try to tell the world just what
or who
the hell i am 
and all words are innadequate for said purposes
really
what am i?
who am i?
i am not just a job, a label slapped on me for easy
categorical reference
somedays i cant even answer my own question
somedays i dont know what or who i can say i am
and those days
those days where light is blindingly unfriendly
and dark is as comforting as was the embrace of once
remembered love
those are the days when everything starts to swirl to the
surface
the days whey things are dredged up that were hidden in the
murk
and the muck
of the mind, under the silt
hiding
tucked away
they come up
the walls of the waterfront strain and stress as the barrage
of memories pours forward
and i have to try to brace it over and over again
with work
with activities
going numb
going mad
slowly
or quickly, pick your poison
hopefully someday someone will come
someone
the someone
who will help those floodgates to part 
who will free the spirit just a little more
let it love
let it be
whole
melted
melded
coming preferably sooner than later
its been a while
a long while
since emotion was acceptable on its deepest level
to show to anyone
for now, it stays
bottled up
sealed
except very late at night to those who are willing to
listen
even for a little while