Time passes.
I am eleven.
You shot down all
My hopes and dreams
To the ground.
You hit me.
You hurt me.
Your happiness:
My tears.
My smile,
My hidden truth.
I pretend.

Time passes.
I leave one pain,
To discover another.
We make four
But I am alone.
My past is hidden,
Locked away.
New hurt.
New fear.
New Secrets.
I pretend.

Time passes.
A new year.
A new beginning?
My good year.
Not happy,
More pain.
These wounds,
Your words.
I am last.
I am fat.
I hate you.
I pretend.

Time passes.
I failed.
Then a lover,
Burning release. 
My secret.
Those nights,
With you,
To lose myself.
Forget my failure.
Forget injustice.
Forget fear.
I pretend.

Time passes.
Missing friend;
Dead friend.
Greif overcomes.
New success.
Only once
Am I proud.
Holes in my heart.
Holes in my head.
Holes you make.
I pretend.

Time passes.
Need support:
Its not there.
Trust gone.
Abandoned.
For you,
I don’t pretend.
Its too much.
Pressure for success.
Pressure to win.
Pressure everywhere.
I pretend.