I had a best friend once
He was male. He was handsome.
And then he started dating
And he was kept at ransom

Oh woe betide and how I cried
For my best friend had gone
He disappeared in lustful haze
And I was left with no-one

He appeared occasionally
When allowed to come up for air
But time ticked by, and I shall not lie
I forgot to notice he wasnt there

And then I started dating
A man who was handsome
I locked my fingers into his
And I held him at ransom

Time it passed and slowly
My man replaced my friend
I kept him locked in bars of love
And I couldn't see the end

But then he left. He upped and flew.
To another land of the free
And I stood standing staring at the open door
And in my hand the key

But then the strangest thing occured
My man-friend started to break out
He burst through her mighty cage
And he began to shout

And whilst it was nice, I didnt care
For I wanted my man to come home
I didnt want my best friend to return
Whilst my man was allowed to roam

Then I thought a little more
How strange I never have the two
Why cant I love and have a man-friend
Shouldn't you be allowed the old and new

Oh but woe betied and how I cried
Its a fact of life we have to bear
For friends support and lovers love
But you just cannot have both there.

Why oh why? I hear you cry.
Well you see, for every man thats handsome
Theres a woman with her lock and key
Holding him at the queen's ransom