Step by step, take it slow
Breathe in and out, 
in
out
and in
and out



Inhaling water with every breath
Dry drowning, 
being pulled further
Under the water
It's futile, these attempts
Scrabbling desperately 
For the surface
for that tiny sliver of light



that never fails
to slip through
these spindly fingers



Hate like hell fire
Branding the heart
A hot poker, a thousand degrees
An evil sinking it's claws in


"Oh, please, let me go!"


The weak, pathetic voice rings out
Somewhere, a voice, laughing,
harsh, scathing
In the spotlight
I am illuminated


Feeling naked, shivering
Trying desperately 
to cover it up



you're a liar, and everyone can see
your faults, your pain, your misery


Emotions like a roller coaster, 
Up and down
Side to side
Life travels in fast loops
and I can't keep up


Once, I was numb
The sweet sedative 
covering my ears
Couldn't hear my world
crashing around me


But the endorphins wear off
Pain sets in, and the blood
the blood, the blood
Pours out in rivers unspoken
Even stitches can't close this up


And I sit here, tears 
as numerous as the bloodshed
Sobbing like a little child
Head down on the cold
wooden desk, and I wonder


Where this new me came from
Aged numerous years,
I'm 40 now
Closer to my grave


and I look back
the happiness I once felt


Is a universe away