A teenage ball boy hit the big time today, when he showed
his individualism on centre court. Fifteen year old Ivor
Ball took the sporting world by storm when he rolled a
comedy ball at the number one seed Ade Ace. 

Although at first site the ball appeared genuine, as the
player struck to serve, it virtually disintegrated. Ade Ace
is well known for his powerful serves, but even he admitted,
he had never made a ball shatter. 

Ivor then went on to show his various slogan t-shirts during
the players break of serves. Ivor continued to make centre
court fall about with laughter with various pranks.

At one stage of the charity match, Ade Ace placed his chair
on the lawn, and sat to watch the comedy show. Ivor who said
later, ‘my grandma died recently and I was just trying to
lighten things up. People are too serious all the time. My
grandma loved to laugh. I was doing it for her.’ 


Two days later.


Grandma Ball’s street parties. 

The British public have taken Ivor Ball and his beloved
Grandma to their hearts. There were street parties, with
laughter, comedy and community gathering. Ivor’s local
street party was situated at Grandma’s favourite Bingo
hall. Flowers were then taken in mass to the cemetery where
she now lay. 


Simultaneously.

Somewhere else in celebrity madness.


Ivor Ball t-shirts were hot off the press today and packaged
ready for mailing to thousands of pre ordered customers. The
t-shirts with I love Grandma and Go sport Go; have been
printed in their hundreds with thousands more left to print.


Ivor’s uncle back with the family after a ten year break
said, ‘I am very proud of Ivor.’ The uncle wore a yellow
I love Grandma t-shirts and went to the cemetery to pay his
respects to his mother. 


Hundreds queue for t-shirts.


With early Christmas presents in mind hundreds of people
braved the weather for a piece of history. The t-shirts,
sponsored by The Daily Prophet, and available now in three
colours, with an additional logo, Ivor for Prime Minister,
are selling faster than they can be printed. 

Ivor’s dad, who has been separated from his wife for 15
years, and is trying to rekindle their relationship, is
running the mailing side of the t-shirts. 


Simultaneously

Transplanting of bad taste.


My family

Ivor accompanied by a long lost cousin, said to our reporter
how nice it was to have so many of his family around to help
him. He said, ‘I expected to be lonely when Grandma passed
but with my family back together I don’t have to worry
anymore.’ 



A rival newspaper


The Daily Shrewd


The fifteen year old ball boy, who was propelled into the
limelight, after his comedy antics, was last night signing
his book at a top national nightclub. Ivor who was
accompanied by his cousin, uncle and father looked
bewildered and tired. He was later ushered away by the club
bouncers as it was his time for bed, while his family
members partied into the night. 

The fifteen year old told our reporter that he felt like he
was in a whirlwind. Ivor who has an appearance on Good
morning breakfast on Tuesday and appears on The Later
Programme, (which has been moved to the earlier time of 8
o’clock, due to its live coverage and rules on children,)
is an example of modern cultures obsession with no talent
celebrities. Ivor is a nice enough boy and is comical but
simply doesn’t have the wit and wisdom to continue the
fast moving pace of public opinion. 

Merchandise 

Ivor Ball’s family were cashing in on his fame today when
they announced the launch of a host of merchandise with
Ivor’s face on them. 



The Daily Shrewd


The modern nonsense of celebrity life seems to have damaged
the comical ball boy. Ivor looked weary as he left the
family home today. He was decked out from head to foot in
the family’s merchandise.

The notoriety of recent fame appears to have aged the boy by
ten years. The uncensored celebrity status has delved into
every aspect of this boy’s life. Although he now has
family surrounding him he seems uneasy with the trials and
tribulations which have been played out in public.


Sleaze  

Uncle arrested over allegations of fraud. Ivor Ball’s
uncle is due to appear in court tomorrow after he was picked
up by police for illegally profiting from The Daily
Prophet’s t-shirts. The newspaper that sponsored the
t-shirts with I love Gran and other logos, were said tonight
to be angry at the deceit. A spokesperson from the paper
said, ‘we have done a lot for the Ball family and are
upset by their dishonesty.


The return

Ivor Ball was invited to centre court for a charity match
that is played next Sunday. 


Disposable Celebrity


Ivor’s antics didn’t match his initial performance on
centre court. The fans said Ivor had obviously been
misinformed and had been given material that wasn’t funny.
A man in his 30’s said, ‘Ivor should ditch that family
of his, they have changed the boy.’


The Daily Shrewd


The throw away society has extended to gold fish bowl modern
celebrity this week, when it claimed the fame of the ball
boy. Ivor was told he would not be required at next week’s
awards. Like a blunt razor he has been disposed of. Last
week he was on the cutting edge of fame, this week propelled
out of the lime light. 


Sleaze

Ball’s dad was said to have returned to his mistress, he
told reporters, ‘it just wasn’t working out.’ Ivor’s
uncle was said to have missed his bail hearing and
disappeared, police are now searching for him.