I thought
I was good.
I thought
I was ok.
I thought
I was over you.
Thought I finally
Got away.

I swore
I was done
Obsessing over you.
Thought surely
I had begun to stop
Loving you,
Wanting you,
Needing you.

I felt
I was progressing,
Moving on—
I could go
One day, then two;
Soon a whole week,
Without looking at you.

My hope grew
When I didn’t
See you one day.
I didn’t miss you.
My heart said, “Yay!”
I began to desire you less.
It was good,
My heart was a mess.

The same thing happened
With the rest of the guys I liked.
Believe me,
I was psyched.
Of course I still
Wanted them to be mine,
But my deep desire for love
No longer had me in a bind.

I could finally
See you, talk,
Without screaming inside
Or dying a little.
Before, under a fake me,
I desperately tried to hide.
I tried to be 
Someone different, so you’d like me.

I was craving
Acceptance,
Beauty in the world’s eyes.
I kept falling deeper,
Getting lost in my disguise.
I became someone
I didn’t recognize.
I had drowned in my lies.

I found myself,
Got back on track.
I was ok for a while
Then what haunted me before
Started to come back.
This time I was determined
To be in control;
Take care of my soul.

I was on vacation
When I started
To miss you again.
But this time will be different
I will win.
I’m going to be me.
If you don’t like it,
It wasn’t meant to be.

I’ll find someone someday
Who loves me for me.
That’s the guy I’ll marry.
I’m tired of conforming;
Trying to be someone I’m not.
I’ll still flirt with guys I like
But I’ll always remember
This lesson I was taught.  ©