At Your Lowest, by Karlee Anderson Subscribe to rss feed for Karlee Anderson

Don't you love how everyone tells you "its going to be okay"
when your upset. They tell you "you will do better" "it will
get easier" and all you want to do is punch them in the
throat. You feel like the lowest kind of broken down when
you can tell that there is no possible way for you to have
what you want, because the ones around you will not allow
it. That moment that you want to just pack a bag and start
walking and just see where it gets you, and you hope its far
far away from where you started. When it's changing you and
making you not even want to be around the ones you were
close to and loved. I'm ready to get out and be in a place
where I no longer have to rely on my family for anything and
I make all of my choices myself. When I can choose what I
do, who is in my life, and what paths I want to take in
life. It is my life and everyone tells me that I have to
make choices about my life and what to do in it, well then
why won't people let me make those choices myself instead of
telling me I'll be grounded and I'll lose my Jeep and I
won't go anywhere and I'll lose my phone. That is taking the
choice away from me. So I will wait. In 11 months I will be
18. At 18 I can make those choices all myself and no one can
take that right from me. My college? If you think I'm going
to ask form your help, your wrong. If you think I'll be back
to visit you, your wrong. Why do I want to come back when
you treat me like that? You tell me to be an adult and then
when I do, I'm in trouble, but if I act like a child, I'm in
trouble and stupid. I don't have people around that see what
we go through and see how we are and see for their self how
it is when its just us. So I can't really talk to anyone
about how I feel, so I vent in poetry. Which now you have
ruined for me. Thanks for not telling me I am talented, for
not telling me I could do great, for not telling me I'm good
at it. Thanks for complaining that it cost and that I should
be getting paid and not having to buy the book. Thanks for
ruining something I loved. There are so many things I could
do and be great at, but I don't or I gave it up because I
knew how you would feel. Now I'm growing up and I know you
don't like it and still look at me like the child that I was
when I come to you. But I'm not. I'm growing up, I'm getting
ready to go out and be on my own. I will be at college,
alone, and you won't be there to tell me what to do and pick
and who to be around or not. You wont be there to tell me
how to do things or to do them from me. So maybe, instead of
treating me like a child and pushing me away, let's spend
this last year you have with me getting me ready, let me
figure things out on my own, and let me decide stuff myself.
I have someone who wants to better him self and help me and
cares for me and wants to show you that he is not what you
think he is. But your to hard headed and stubborn to listen.
So now your hurting me more then anything and are pushing me
away and I don't think you even realize it. Your pushing me
into a slump that I feel trapped in and feel like I am alone
and depressed and can't get out. You have done a lot for me
in my life and helped me through a lot, but you don't
realize that this is a major thing in my life and the more
you don't help me and push me and argued with me, the
farther from you I grow. I don't want to be like that, I
wish you would be more understand and start thinking about
how I feel and remember that its my life, not yours. Stop
making my choices for me. The choices aren't yours to make,
so why make it from me? The choices don't change your life,
they do mine, so why make the choice from me? I'll never
understand. I just know that it makes me want to be out on
my own and not have to answer to you any more. I don't know
what to do about everything, I just know that I'll be glad
to be 18 so I can go and control my own life.
Posted: 2013-07-01 23:38:38 UTC

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