Not Yet, by Jezebel Subscribe to rss feed for Jezebel

It isn't when my sides are aching
and tears from laughing are
dripping down my cheeks that
the words fight to get out.

They only struggle a little, then.
It isn't when your dark eyes
melt and stir the butterflies
within my stomach, either.

It isn't when my eyes sting
and your smile is so
beautiful my heart constricts
and my breath is stolen.

It isn't when it's 1 AM. and
I've picked a fight simply
because I crave your presence
and we're both in desperate tears.

It isn't when I've blown fifty
kisses and blushed with each one.
Nor is it when I'm hiding my
face and I know you're laughing.

It was almost when it was 10 P.M.
and your eyes ran out of salt and
regret, and when my arms burned
with the need to hold you close.

It was almost when you lost your
shit on those raiders in your
base, though I had no idea
the words were even growing.

It was almost when you asked
about my alters and the way
you waited kindly for my return,
and when you treated them like people.

It got close when you left for
the camp and it felt like me
heart was full of knives.
God, the words were in my throat.

And it got closer when at 6 A.M.
I couldn't sleep, and you were
there for me. The words stuck
to the roof of my mouth.

I have never had to fight so hard
as I do when your eyes look blank
and you're telling me that you feel
as though these words don't burn my heart.

I have never had to bite my
tongue and nearly taste the blood
as I do when your eyes become
dark and full of nothing.

But none of those come close
to how hard I have to grip
this pencil so I can smother
the damn words again.
Posted: 2014-07-14 08:07:27 UTC

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