“You’re quiet”



…



This means more than you know



more than I’ll tell you.



More than I’ll admit.



To myself.



To others.



My pain

bellows

silence.



I have blue hair



blue eyes



yet remain



invisible



dead inside



My thoughts spin a web of insanity around my head



suspended just out of reach



I want to scream and cry and tell you how it feels



but it doesnt



Years of subjugation



initiation



proliferation



I can’t write

speak



think



communicate



to myself



to others



I am disorder



I am confusion



I am the fog and the worm at the edge of your eye.



You may see me, for a moment



Watch me carefully



do not disturb.




BECAUSE I AM NEUROTIC



MY THOUGHTS, LIKE LEMMINGS



TUMBLE FROM MY MIND

CAUGHT IN ENDLESS SUICIDE



because I



am scared



of you



of me



not being enough



not being enough



I fear and crave tranquility



the chaos feels so familiar



and yet



it fleets from me



because I told it to



because I told you, too.




I stray and I stay



Caught between inaction and movement



Indecisive



ambidextrous



obsessive



inconclusive



unfinished.



I am in limbo.



I am in purgatory.