I often look back to when I was younger
I can remember when all I did was wonder
Wonder why the sky was blue and the ocean was too
Now I wonder if it would be better if that was what I could
do
Now I'm fifteen and it's so hard
Nobody gets me, I feel like a retard
I feel so dumb when I try to explain
Instead I keep it to myself and all I feel is pain
When I was fourteen an old man tried to take me
In other words, I guess you could say he raped me
I was lucky enough to get away from him
I can still remember his fingers, old on my skin
I am scared so much now and my life is a lot rougher
Sometimes I wish that man was a little tougher
Now all I do is live in fear
I should have let him kill me there
I often wonder how it was that I got away from that man
I have been scared since then, but it's the memories I
cannot stand
Sometimes I wish that man never existed
Maybe then my life wouldn't be so twisted
The truth is it happened, I cannot take any of it back
So now I become afraid of people when I see their skin is
black
I don't know just who you are old man and I wish I had then
Can't you see how bad you've hurt me after how long it's
been?
You could never understand what it's like to live in
constant fear
You don't know how it makes me feel that you live less than
a block from here
Nobody understands me, or is that just how I feel?
The worst part is that all of this is real
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've wanted to run
away
Then I think, if I do, you or someone else might find me one
day
Now I'm slightly more mature and I've grown a lot since you
saw me
I wish I had never grown this chest, this rear, this body
Sometimes I just curl up and cry
I try to let those memories pass me by
The truth is you hurt me and I will always strive
I know that I should feel so lucky to be alive
All I want now is to know the true meaning of life
You've torn up my inside so bad I wish I had a knife
You'll never know what you did to that little girl
She feels the pain, over a year later, still
If you ever want to know how you made her feel
Shove a butcher's knife through your chest and continue
living still
You don't know what you did to me
And it's not create a fantasy
You don't know what it's like to live here
Thinking that you're there all year
Since then I've heard that you moved
If that's true or not I don't have a clue
Because of you, I am scared to be single
I think if you ever find me your tar-stained eyes will
twinkle
Those big yellow eyes, alcohol on his breath, and that white
curly hair
That's what I remember of the man sitting there
If you ever find yourself where I was, don't be afraid to
cry
It's okay to be scared, others are just like you and I
My mother warned me when I was younger and I'm sure so did
yours
Always heed her word and remember, "Don’t talk to
strangers!"