I'm shattered
laying here in pieces that once made a whole
tormented by the desires
that keep itching my soul
broken down by my cravings
that my heart will not omit
or suicidal thoughts
my heart is where they hit
they plague my battered subconscious
and leave me to cry myself to rest
i have nightmares of those ghosts
and they egg me on like some sort of test
but i will not give into temptation
for im stronger then they believe
and after you have departed 
i will not self harm but grieve
and tho iwill be tempted
i will overcome the pain
through all this darkness and depression
i will find some form of gain
and i know it will be hard
and my past will test the new
but there has to be some other way
of dealing with the loss of you
a blade is not the answer
a flame cannot heal this malaise
so i must find a more sufficient solution
to deal with the pains of the yesterdays
for soon it will be unbearable
and ill be forced to act on what i know
and then there'll be no stopping it
the blade will slice and blood will flow
so i must find some other way
of dealing with my compulsive actions
so i don't end up another story
of depressions greatest reactions
but i love you
and i feel i need you
to make my life be whole
i can feel your kiss when you're not there
and i dont want to loose control
i've already hurt too many people
one of them of which is you
and maybe that's one way of stopping
the things that i put everyone through
but it's not a final solution
or one that i immensly desiderate
so i need to find a better treatment
before my body takes over and it's too late.