tidal waves of fear
sweep across the surface
and yet not a ripple
not a second glance
silver up
and swallow pride
this is how it feels
to contradict the stuff
you hide.

numbers add up
and your morale is low
the mirror is not
the place i want to go.

and yet drawn in my haunting eyes
the glimmer of green
against black eyeliner
curl up in a ball
and forget about dinner.

the taunting form inside
is the worst pain you can have
how can it be
that i, myself
can utterly hate me.

the reflection is large
inperfect, untrue.
this is a place i worked hard for
and the work is hard to undo.

the stitches i've sewn
come undone
the lies fall on the floor
and shatter
all the ways that i've grown
it didnt matter.
i want more.

afraid of the feeling
of being full
afraid of the scale
afraid of the looks
the gossip, the lies
the truth burried inside.

when i open my eyes
i see the beauty around
all i want is to be part of it
not left in the dirt
crying alone on the ground.

i'll take your hand
and let you lead me away
but the haunting image
in my mind will stay.

the voices dont stop
the hate wont supress
it isnt merely a case
of fitting into the perfect prom dress.

xoxo
Ellieeeee