Overdoing It

the curves hide a million straight cut lines the sparkling laughter draws eyes away from bloodstained sleeves and for everything i have i have never had a thing. there is jsut so much that i want you to erase i want you i want you i want you to understand i want you to hold my hand and take me from this awful place oh my lord why did i become this disgrace? stand up tall and face the world while you're watching i will not fall. i am perfection in a nutshell atleast... i will be. i will live off air and good grace i'll plaster on a smile and spread it to your face. if i can make you smile for a real reason when i cannot then i have done something for myself. and in my greed i forget now what it means to heed. the drugs, the blood, the food. the lack thereof nuitriotn and ambition the overpowering want of something more the work and strife it's taken to get me this far. and i wonder everyday was this worth the mess? what am i now who were you... who was i? and what the fuck now. another facade i played another character who died. searching for soemthing that doesn't exist. its no wonder im always pissed. im never sober anymore and i wonder what happened to the girl i yearned for. is she there in the dark whaiting waiting for the day when i succeed in my death will she br free then and only then? xoxo Ellie J