the curves hide
a million straight cut lines
the sparkling laughter
draws eyes away from bloodstained sleeves
and for everything i have
i have never had a thing.
there is jsut so much
that i want you to erase
i want you
i want you
i want you to understand
i want you to hold my hand and take me
from this awful place
oh my lord
why did i become this disgrace?

stand up tall and face the world
while you're watching
i will not fall.
i am perfection
in a nutshell
atleast... i will be.

i will live off air
and good grace
i'll plaster on a smile
and spread it to your face.

if i can make you smile
for a real reason when i cannot
then i have done something
for myself.
and in my greed
i forget now what it means to heed.

the drugs, the blood, the food.
the lack thereof nuitriotn and ambition
the overpowering want of something more
the work and strife it's taken to get me
this far.

and i wonder everyday
was this worth the mess?
what am i now
who were you... who was i?
and what the fuck now.
another facade i played
another character who died.

searching for soemthing that doesn't exist.
its no wonder
im always pissed.
im never sober anymore
and i wonder what happened to the
girl i yearned for.

is she there in the dark whaiting
waiting for the day when
i succeed in my death
will she br free then 
and only then?

xoxo
Ellie J