Crumpled velvet dreams
cushion the pain of waiting,
of hurtful possibility.
Crumpled mascara stained tissues,
buried in the bin,
try to hide the misery.
Underneath it all
I'm beginning to fall;
to fall downwards,
fall apart,
fall away,
outside my heart.
Mugs litter my room,
black coffee grinds remind me
of every caffeine blunted worry.
Scars criss cross my wrist,
I run a finger over them
and silently beg you to hurry.
Despite everything I know,
I'm still sinking below;
below the opinions,
below the smile,
below the mask
to face each trial.
I see the girl in the mirror
but I don't look at her,
she's nothing more than a reflection.
I want to kick on my favourite shoes,
swivel and run, run, run,
away from every little imperfection.
I realise it'll never be ideal
but I'm frightened of what I feel;
feel unsure,
feel insecure,
feel exposed,
we've been here before.
Shhhh heart...