For Lara

For Lara A cute kid all that i saw never EVER thot that u were like us never looked at u like that too young too close too trusted until you said u were even then i didnt want you didnt believe you were you kissed me we had that night what i told u after was the truth it was a mistake i didnt feel anything not then but u sobbed and it broke my heart so i faked lust for a while i mean i liked you just not as strongly as u did me until just before quebec it was almost platonic then i really started to fall all the way fall i couldnt catch myself you didnt stop me nor did you catch me i dumped you because i could never have all of you you kept him and it burned to know someone else could kiss you how dare you be angry that someone else kissed me you did the same just cuz it was a guy i was supposed to excuse? and im painted red bulls released? hypocrite you used to say i was the one who u told everything 10:30 confessional your saved smile tears on the train relief to see me all u wanted that was friends lar i cant ask for you to be the same i cant ask you for more than friends i dont even want that havent for a while but honey as friends wasnt it 2 years of great friends? all i want is that little girl who'd climb onto the couch watch the hockey game and laugh about onions and lou rapunzal and eggs i want my friend back i didnt lose you you chose to leave why? why lose all everything? so we have a past most of it was great a few things to work thru are you scared? is it too hard? seeing me? why cant you just tell me how it is for you without the lies and the swears the extra hurt the extra tears why extra? its hard enough breaking up friends is worth it ------ after some time i dont want u mine friends or more you're just a whore anyone who treats her best friends like something expendible isnt someone i want someone who is so selfcentred that she cant see how her actions kill me or doesnt care anyone who can say those words to someone with whom they loved so much to someone who loves them so much to someone who was there so much why make all that was great shadowed by this new hate leave happy thoughts stop calling me a bitch you think you're tough? all i hear is hurt all i see is panic all i need is a smile a sad one will do let me kno you're still there i feel so decieved all you said all we felt as friends never existed did it? it couldnt have for if we truly were friends like that you wouldnt keep stabbing my heart you'd feel some connection some string would still thread ur heart to mine so it was all lies 2 years of lies 2 lifetimes of hurt both mine in essence i think ere i know you're not meant for me i not for you not meant to have met unless i am meant to be so broken so completely abandoned so i can write horrible verse so i can feel all the anguish god has to offer relate to ash burned left to blow away no one cares where the fire was the important part & all fire is gone in me so think urself above chose hate over love im not asking for love just compassion understanding humane thought admission in co-fault an admission that you dont hate me or that u do just... an admission that you feel i dont that you feel at all that you're not dead that you are the same the same little girl that i loved so dearly the one that can laugh the one that can smile the one that lives my lar i know you would be so mad at me for using my in that but to me it means the old lar who could care about others about life about forgiveness who could see the value of friendship the waste she makes in me in everyone most importantly in her.