strong straight legs 
stick out from black miniskirts
and long black hair
blows through the wind
sunglasses huge, eyeliner dark.
she stares out from bangs too long
and shyly glances for his face.

quiet, pretending she is small
she stands with her head head high
proud and tall.
she walks with the grace of an athlete
but she falls down and cries every night
becuase these beautiful things about herself
she is blinded from.
the mirror reflects back obesity
pimples, freckles, patchy hair 
and eyes too small
too much makeup
too much faking...
pretending to be someone else
her spirits are breaking.

you catch her on a good day and
she is beautiful and she smiles
smiling is the one symptom she can fake
she can laugh and 
she can pretend to be normal
but inside
she lies and hides away.

green eyes, pink lips
piercings, trendy clothes
so many attributes to appearence
and personality
and yet, she is beautiful only
when she isn't pretending
she's not a lie.

i wish you could see her today.
i wish you could see her when she
cuts the flesh away
when she cries thousands of tears
in water and blood
when she snorts her drugs
and tries so hard
not to be like you.

i wish you could read teh poems that
she writes alone at night.
i wish you could see her thinspo book
and all the rumours that she
writes down as reminders
of why she's not good enough.

i wish you knew the ways she
hated herself.

i wish you knew the lengths she's gone
to off herself.

i wish you knew the way
she pretends that she is
not that way.
i wish you saw her throw up 
her food, 
i wish you knew the ways
she lives.

and you say she is beautiful
but nobody can prove to her 
this to be true.
she is beautiful... 
but not in the same ways
as you.

she has scars and
she has bruises
she has pancake pupils
and she has regrets.

explain, how can she be
anything close
to the definition of beauty?


xoxo
Ellie J