irony

was i an excuse to break up?
do you feel nothing romantic?
what am i to you?
do you think of me
when times are quiet?
when sirens wail?
when your shaky hand draws blood?
i felt electricity
electrical storm
i kiss you
and i can feel you
am i but lips?
you want with her what i am to you
but not with me
i fall for the one person i shouldnt.
to fall for someone at all is miraculous.
first time since lar.
second in total.
falling is accurate
out of control
without hope
unable to catch myself
wind in my eyes makes tears
yearning for more
knowing i lose
i play the game
knowing i lose already.
she wins.  she has your heart.
i cant compete with that.
nor should it be a competition
my uncontrolled makes it that.
i have no option but to try.
try and fail.
feel the intensity 
with which my chest burns
once again.
hell on earth.
sometimes i look up at you
and me, the chatterbox, is without words
your beauty.  those eyes.  that little nose.
i hate romantic poems.
hell i hate romance in general.
im romantic in my own way
through humour, through gifts
through eyes.
in time spent with you.
we fight too much, 
im going to lose you like you dropped her.
do you know how rare it is
that i like someone?
that i want someone for more than a fuck?
maybe three times in my life.
i tell everyone
i cant have a gf.
i cant.
no one wants someone who isnt open
i dont meet many people
im not exactly what people want physically either
the short hair, the muscular build, the piercings
none applies.
im too sarcastic, with a warped sense of humour
hard to handle,  complex and indirect
is not something u find in a personal add
i get that i lose
i get that.
i get that im not going to get a gf.
i'll end up with some bloke,
married in a church i hate
kids i love
with a fake smile on my face
picket fence.
everyone i've loved i've lost.
if i stop going for it,
if i stop admitting i feel it,
maybe i'll keep breathing.
do you know how it feels
to be slammed EVERY time you like someone
and its always your fault.
there is no hope.
there isnt.
this isnt teenage fag depression or something
this is fact.
im alone.  even when im with someone, im alone.
we all are. 
and this facade where im going to meet someone
be with someone
love mutually...
fuck to that.
it needs to end.
reality is that we are born alone
die alone
even if someone is right next to you.
you're alone.
what is with this need we have for company?
i want to be alone.
with pen and paper.
my thoughts.
dont touch and give false hope
dont kiss and bring false feeling
i cant have her
i cant have anyone
sitting here cryin over a girl
deja vu encore