irony

irony was i an excuse to break up? do you feel nothing romantic? what am i to you? do you think of me when times are quiet? when sirens wail? when your shaky hand draws blood? i felt electricity electrical storm i kiss you and i can feel you am i but lips? you want with her what i am to you but not with me i fall for the one person i shouldnt. to fall for someone at all is miraculous. first time since lar. second in total. falling is accurate out of control without hope unable to catch myself wind in my eyes makes tears yearning for more knowing i lose i play the game knowing i lose already. she wins. she has your heart. i cant compete with that. nor should it be a competition my uncontrolled makes it that. i have no option but to try. try and fail. feel the intensity with which my chest burns once again. hell on earth. sometimes i look up at you and me, the chatterbox, is without words your beauty. those eyes. that little nose. i hate romantic poems. hell i hate romance in general. im romantic in my own way through humour, through gifts through eyes. in time spent with you. we fight too much, im going to lose you like you dropped her. do you know how rare it is that i like someone? that i want someone for more than a fuck? maybe three times in my life. i tell everyone i cant have a gf. i cant. no one wants someone who isnt open i dont meet many people im not exactly what people want physically either the short hair, the muscular build, the piercings none applies. im too sarcastic, with a warped sense of humour hard to handle, complex and indirect is not something u find in a personal add i get that i lose i get that. i get that im not going to get a gf. i'll end up with some bloke, married in a church i hate kids i love with a fake smile on my face picket fence. everyone i've loved i've lost. if i stop going for it, if i stop admitting i feel it, maybe i'll keep breathing. do you know how it feels to be slammed EVERY time you like someone and its always your fault. there is no hope. there isnt. this isnt teenage fag depression or something this is fact. im alone. even when im with someone, im alone. we all are. and this facade where im going to meet someone be with someone love mutually... fuck to that. it needs to end. reality is that we are born alone die alone even if someone is right next to you. you're alone. what is with this need we have for company? i want to be alone. with pen and paper. my thoughts. dont touch and give false hope dont kiss and bring false feeling i cant have her i cant have anyone sitting here cryin over a girl deja vu encore