*another layer of hardness

Ohhh, if I had only chose you I whisper thoes words to you inside my heart as I lay beside another carefull not let go of the grip on my feelings for fear they might be spoken... as I dream and my deep seckret will be revieled. I delight at the mention of your name and cleverly hide my desire to know every thing you said, about anything you make laugh, and smile your like sunshine on my sholders one of my favorite things I will never know how it could have been we didn't get past friendship I never really gave you half a chance even though you tried to turn my head now my chance is gone...forever And you will never know how much the regret eats me alive slowly each day I was so stupid I thought I needed more But I've ended up with so very little I watch you now, going along so wealthy in love, in joy, in all the things I wanted all I do not have, all I'm dying for I see now how much you really did have to offer Its a maddning thought everytime I see you. And knots form new in my stomach. I rely on a life support system of my own creation steeling glimpes of you Can you see through my smile? Can you tell how I really feel? Can you detect my longing for you? you still smile at me soooo sweetly it melts my heart, then cools to form another layer of hardness