this really isn't a poem... it's an apology


I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.
I can't take back any of the pain that I have caused you
But please know that I was in so much pain at that crucial
moment
I needed you to be there
And you refused.
You had done the unthinkable to me
Betrayed me in a way that you had promised you never would
You tell me not to hate her for it
But I do
And I always will
And I will never forget
I have forgiven you
But now its time for you to forgive me
I can't imagine what you went through
Knowing I was lying there in limbo
Not being able to see me
Not holding my hand through this
Not even knowing if you could ever hold my hand again
I vaguely remember you crying when you found me
I don't remember much else
You get so mad at me for asking things about what happened
But I don't know any of it
There is one full week in my life that I don't know about
So many days that I fought in my mind for you to be there
Crying in my mind that I wanted you and only you
But no one could hear me
Because I wasn't even really there
You have in a way forgiven me
You have let me back in
Started our family over
Even helped me make the kids understand how sick I am
But I know that you will never fully forgive me 
The way that I can never fully forgive you
I just want to move on
Forget everything that happened and everyone that caused it
But I need you to forget too
I know that you still don't fully trust me
There are still no kind of pills in our home after 2 months
But in a way I understand that
I can't say that I'm sorry enough for everything
But it's time for us to move on now
we have one problem 
And that is her
Not leaving us alone....stalking us
So we need to leave
And we will
But we need to do what is best for our family
And I refuse to let her break our family down
The same way you do
Just keep being honest with me
And I will do the same for you
Just learn to forgive me 
And maybe one day I can do the same
I love you
And I know you love me
That is all we need...
I'm sorry.