I never write poetry
But a lot of what I write
is random
and I have a lot to
say
right now
so, then, in that case
I figured that as long as I chopped up my writing into short
lines that no one could recognize as a paragraph of
cognitive script and stuck
them
all
together
atop
each
other
that it would come 
off
looking just like a poem.
you wouldn't want me to do this,
would you?
like so many other things
that I do not do,
for you.
it's cheesy.
you wouldn't make me stop
but you wouldn't think that 
    I am very smart.
not that you often do.
at the very least
you would not praise me
and you would ask me why
a lot
and I would explain
a lot
and you wouldn't get it
at all.
I know that
    I am very smart.
but you only like that when it means
I 
understand
you.
which I do.
I think I do.
but there are parts that I do not know 
and so I cannot understand them
there are things I wish you would tell me
but I cannot tell you to tell me
I can only try to try for you
and hope that you will tell me
    thank you.
at least, or
    good job.
at least, or 
    something forbidden that we do not say
but that my
    chest
       aches
          deeply
of never hearing.
so as you will never read this
and you will never know I am I should you see this -
and you will never know you are you,
it doesn't matter.
I will
stop
now.
and only hope, and probably cry myself
to sleep
among the stress
of the thousand things
that have yet to be done
(I cannot wait until it is all over.)
(It will all be over soon.)
(I can take a break just for now.)
(no one will notice.)
(and in these moments of reprieve 
 I will take the time
 to die a thousand different ways until you tell me
 or until I find a way
 to have you tell me
 please, please tell me
 that you do.)
I will stop.