Juli

Juli, I'll never know if you regret it. If you regret telling me to die. Telling me that you no longer want to speak to me. No longer want to be friends. I understand though. Though I find it selfish, I understand that at some points we need to protect ourselves. Hold ourselves above all else for pure reasons of sanity. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not upset, not angry, because I am. You hurt me. And you didn't even have the confidence to tell me, until I was forced to confront you about it. That hurts. A lot. I thought we were going to be the types of friends who watched their grandchildren playing in the yard, and maybe someday we will be. Maybe we'll get over this road bump and move on to the next leg of the journey. Though I doubt it. I know you will at some point, look back on the memories. The laughter and the joy only shared by two best friends. Two souls joined as one, sisters of the heart. Though not of the same blood. We've been through good times and bad. People have left us, and come into our lives. We seperated and a final seperation was inevitable. We're different people then we were in 8th grade. Innocence was key then. We were so young, not yet weathered by the depression and heartbreak that overcame us through the years. But we did eventually fall in with different crowds, different friends. We both found people we connected with better. You found Megan, I found Christine. And though I know I will forever miss you, and never forget the years we spent as friends, I won't regret any of it. I regret a lot of things in my life. You know those things. Of course you know. I told you everything. But our friendship, I will never be able to look back on and hate. Even if somedays I say I do. I don't know if we're better off this way, but I can only hope we're doing the right things. Taking off on the right path. Though different paths. I hope they lead us to the right destinations, even if we never meet as friends again. You were a good friend, no matter what I may say to you later. No matter what horrible things you said to me, I know you thought of me as a good friend too. I hope you remember the good things, not the bad. This is goodbye. Maybe not forever. But for now. And it pains me to say it but our friendship has ended for this part of life, and I'm okay with it. I hope your okay with it too.