It has to stay

floating in the present soaked in the past thinking about all that could have been. Wondering if it could have been better, if I just stuck with him. The missery of breaking a mans heart is a knife in mine. I did not want to and how could I do it again, no way, keep on dreaming. I will not break one more, to mend the last. With the life he has now, and what I want for mine, would be a futal waste of time. I would be warn thin and he much thinner. Time would be precious and even green dough would be sparse. I would have to plead insanity if I gave myself to him again. The life I have now,I would be giving up for four step children and giving up having children of my own. It just cannot happen, it just will not happen. I have to leave what we had where we had it... in the past.