The snow Angel Watching Over Us [Story*]

The cars wisped past leaving a trail of exhaust behind. The passengers loaded into cabs swiftly and with much commotion. The sky was consumed with the pollution of smoky car fumes along with stench of burnt foods. People seemed to almost create a smell there own a smell of congestion and closeness. Everyone was squished together yet they moved to hastily throughout the city. There steps looked so neatly planned yet they each step appeared to be a new adventure. I stood edging off the side walk extending my arm to wave down a cab. Yet each one looked as if it was zooming past me faster. As if each cab driver was afraid of me, maybe didn’t feel I was worth the stop. Whatever the reason was I wasn’t just going to sit around and wait for a cab, so I began my long exhausting voyage to work. I counted exactly 4 ½ blocks from my work, and believe me I felt every minute of that walk. In my mind it looked I was walking the path of doom, leading know where, in an infinite trail. My hands were trembling and I could see every breath I took crystal clear in the air. Arriving at work on time was impossible your eyes shift from the huge sign that read New York Times, to the sky scraper that seemed never ending. The building was 1,454 feet tall. So your eyes were torn between the beautifully decorate sign and the huge height of the building. By the time I get into work every day it doesn’t even pay me to arrive on time. My boss Mr. Hillman a thin slender man, always believed that you should arrive to work early so you can get a head start. However if you are 28 and as restless as I am you know that getting into work early is not an option. Fortunately I was not the only one who discarded the rules. My job consists of two things plain and simple the printing of the newspapers and the article collection at the end of the week. Which means I go around to all the top reporters and collect there daily work. I have to admit it’s quite intimidating, yet some day I know I’ll be one of them having there work displayed like a De Vinci’s famous art work. It would be displayed for all of New York to see! The other day I was just sitting in my little cubical when my cell rang, this how ever happens a lot, but the small and gentle voice heard on the other line was soothing nothing alike the harsh voices of my colleagues that usually call me. She spoke with a shaky voice, and it sounded like she had been crying for a while. She said, “Hello its mom, how are you honey?” There was a long pause I new that is where I was suppose to fill in the blank, of how I was doing. But instead I froze astonishment; my mom had been shoved out of my life for at least 11years. I finally responded “I’m fine, how’s dad and the kids?” “Your dad is doing well, working hard as usual. But John the real reason I wanted to talk you was that I wanted to discuss your sister Louise.” “Is there something wrong with her? Is she 0k?” Louise was the youngest of all us 3, she was the calm quiet and with drawn one. Also the only girl which usually would make her the favored one, but my brother Scott was truly the privileged one in our family. He was academically ahead of us immensely, and was of course the most athletic. Everything was a competition for him. “John honey Louise is very sick right now, and we don’t exactly know what it is. So were going to Florida for a while for further investigation of her condition.” Her words frustrated me she sounded as if she was talking to a 7 year old and explaining the flu. There was more to this than a little investigation, was she going to die? My mind was turning in all directions, and never stopped on what was really going on at this moment, I was talking to my mom. “Is she going to be 0k!? Are you ok mom? I’m so sorry this is happening to you especially.” I didn’t understand why I was apologizing to her because I had no moral control over this, yet I felt I should be blamed for this happening. I had locked myself out of Louise’s life, the last time I saw her she was only 11, and I was walking out the front door hollering and yelling at mom. We had gotten in a fight and I left, Louise was 11 though so she understood what was going on. She stood then in a corner near the dining room table crying, her face swelled up like a red balloon. Then I had felt no compassion, but now sitting in my small cubical in work healthy and alive I felt guiltier than ever. “The doctor isn’t really sure what’s going to happen, but we just need to pray and hope for the best. That’s all we can do for now. I hope I didn’t disturb you from your work I just wanted to talk to you and hope that you’ll pray for your sister.” Mom explained. “Absolutely I’ll pray mom.” And before I could stop myself I blurted out, “In fact mom I’m going to take the latest flight they have to night and I’ll be there before tomorrow!” I was surprised at the words that were unleashed from my mouth, I instantly thought about taking back what I said, but I couldn’t now I had already told her. “Oh John that would wonderful, I know everyone would be more than pleased to see you.” Her words were so sweet and happy; I couldn’t even bear the thought of taking back my offer. The conversation reminded over and over again in my mind as I bored the plain. Thoughts of my mom’s sweet and warm smile filled my mind. Suddenly I caught my self dazing off into the distance smiling for no apparent reason. The plain ride went by fast; I slept through most of it. I think I freaked out the girl next to me, because when I woke up she was glaring at me. I probably just drooled on her, oh well I had that done to me numerous times when I traveled to California with my friend Bobby. As I was exiting the plain I surveyed the families that welcomed each passenger some with welcome arms others with scolding emotions. A huge spot lay between two families that are probably where my family would have welcomed me; it always seemed like that in life. I was the empty space in a crowd, the one always alone. I pulled up into the short driveway, and as I did so memories of childhood poured into my mind. My mom stood in the door way bundled up in 2 blankets wrapped around her. She looked older and wrinkles covered her face, but when she smiled it seemed like she was only a young girl. She greeted me with a huge embrace. I felt as if she was going to squeeze the blood out of me. I followed her inside and we sat down in the living room. It was exactly as I left it 11 years ago. The couch was warn and torn in a well used way. It seemed to grin at me alike the rest of the house. We talked for hour’s time seemed to slip by us. We talked about my job, current life, how she was doing, and mostly Louise. From what my mom explained Louise had become an intelligent, hard working, and very social. Mom had told me Louise had a boyfriend, but I tried to ignore that comment, because as an older brother I have become over protective. The following day my mom and I road over to the local Hospital to visit Louise. There in a small hospital bed lay Louise small innocent and very frail. As soon as she saw me her face lit up. I hadn’t thought she wouldn’t immediately recognize me, but she did indeed. I went over and sat beside her. Nurses buzzed around fussing over her left and right. She seemed not pleased and use to it. My mom left thinking I guess that we needed time alone together, but as soon as she left I was instantly furious at her for that. What the heck was I suppose to do with a 16-year old girl lying in a hospital bed, with a deadly disease. I said just about the first thing that popped in my head. It was about how I got my license at 16. She smiled and nodded her head; I could tell that she preferred me to ramble then for her have to answer many questions. It even tired her to lift her hand, to ask for a nurse. That’s when I learned how to use the buzzer for help. She began to talk about Florida and the tests she would be undergoing. Sitting next to her in the small hospital room I felt as if I were the young one learning about my disease, she talked like she was a collage student. Each word she spoke was said clearly and distinctly. I felt so helpless she was weak and there was nothing I could do it about it. She sounded so upset and disturbed about moving to Florida. I wasn’t sure what she hated more about the thought of moving to Florida, the constant hot weather or the amount of tests that would be preformed on her. She sounded so brave, like she wasn’t afraid of that the fact that she had a deadly uncommon disease. Louise had always loved the cold winters in Maine. She craved the seasons that followed the cool winter air and the sounds that followed each transition. My mother Eugenie, the nurses, the doctors, know one really understood what she really wanted, yet they all seemed to act like they where her last chance, they were her angel sent from heaven to grant her life back. Yet I was the drop out the looser the less educated one and I new what she really wanted, yet how could I give it to her. My phone began ringing off the hook at around 5:30 and the nurse’s came in and told me to leave if I was going to on my cell phone. I tried to ignore the calls, but they came pouring in. All of course work related everyone wanted me to come back to the city. But some one how I new I was needed more here than ever. As the calls progressed I kept taking them, explaining to my coworkers how to operate and fix computer issues. I was the Jr. Technician Chief, which means I dealt with disaster recovery with companies. So of course everyone wanted my opinion how to do things. I’m only wanted when I’m gone, my mom said. This wasn’t even the start of the unpleasant comments my mom made as she slowly opened up throughout my stay. But the worst of the critical comments came when she began to talk about my dad Robert Sanchez. She talked complained about how I had obtained some of his qualities of course all the bad ones. Eugenie nagged about how he had turned into trash, and lived in a trailer park in Jersey. As the days past by my mom made arrangements for them to move to Florida. My time with Louise had become scarce and I hadn’t talked to her for more than 10 mins since the first day I arrived. I had taken about a week of leave so far from my job and my boss was not pleased at all. He finally persuaded me to work from my mother’s house, and e-mail over my work. My mind drifted back to the first day Louise and I had talked how sweet sounding she was, but now she was irritated easily and sounded annoyed with me. One day when I was packing up her stuff from the hospital room, I grabbed a card one of her friends had made. On the cover read “Get Well Soon! We all Love you at Rydell High School <3”, but as I went to pack it in a tote bag of hers she snapped at me. “What are you doing!? You’ll mess it up now look what you’ve done you have screwed it up just like everything else! Just leave it, mom can pack the rest.” She called a nurse in and told her she was tired and to tell me to leave. As she did so I left and as I turned back to see her, I could see her holding the card in her hand, eyes fixed on the glitter that surrounded the letters. Like the card was talking to her telling her what had just happened, what she had said to me. By the following Tuesday we had packed everything up and they were set on leaving for Florida at 2:00. My flight was scheduled to leave at 3:00 so it didn’t give me much time to say my good-byes. Yet there wasn’t a lot to say, at this point I just wanted to say good luck and leave for my old life, a life free of serious worries. The hospital had planned for a private flight to transfer my mom and Louise. It was a small plain, but was good enough for the short flight. We stood all at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the plain. Louise was placed in a wheel chair, with a quilt neatly tucked around her legs. My mom embraced me tightly alike when I first came. Only this time instead of feeling the warmth of her I felt a slightly cold sensation of grief and sorrow. I felt bad leaving her, but leaving Louise would be easy she had become a bratty teenager, that always thought she was right. Though when I turned to leave and saw them carrying her up the steps to the plain I could see a small tear drop rolling down her face. That small tear alone represented so much, how she dreaded Florida, the tests, the doctors, nurses, and the constant attention drawn to her. She had surrendered and there was nothing she could do to prevent anything from happening. Later when I was boarding my plane all I could think about was seeing her sad and lonely face. It killed me to see her in this much pain but what could I do about it, there is only so much one man can do. When I got back to the city my life seemed so pointless and dull. Everything I once thought was great and fun was now pointless and had no moral point. Everything I did needed a point a reason to take time out of my day to perform this task. Work was becoming a blur rather than the mind boggling job it use to be. Louise ran through my head like crazy. She felt like a spirit haunting me making sure I was still pitying her, making sure I still new she was in horrible pain. Every day was worse than the first; each reminded me of how much I use to care for life before I visited them. I sometimes even found myself crying in my room, a grown man crying. I didn’t know what to do with my self on weekends so I watch Jeopardy. After that I began to work 24/7. My job was my life and with that came salary increases and promotions, but didn’t mean anything to me none of this did. It was just paper that went into an account; it didn’t better nor make my life any worse. Last week a friend of mine e-mailed me, an old collage friend. He talked about his life and how he seizes the moment, ever since his wife died. He made me think of my mom and how she lived life without my father. She acted like she could survive without him, but the truth is she was falling apart. He was living a fulfilled life in Alaska. That’s when it clicked! Everything came rushing to my head at once…thoughts of Louise, her love of winter, and our childhood together. Toward the end of his e-mail he talked about the small plain he owned, and how he used to fly with his wife looking for new places to discover. So, last night I called him up and explained the situation. His voice sounded remotely the same deep and stern. He immediately offered any service me, and I took them with much gratitude. The following day I decided to call my mom see how things where, and how Louise was doing. She explained that Louise would have a test tomorrow that would investigation the pure issue within her body. I decided that night not to tell my mom about my plans, it would be better for her not to know. She had enough stress in her life without the struggle of Louise. She was stationed in Miami Children’s Hospital. The visiting hours where between 3:00 and 7:00, so it gave me just enough time to slip in. I was on the next flight out to Florida, that night. Butterflies invaded my stomach and my hands where shaking the whole flight. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do once I got there, but I new I was going and that was enough for me. I couldn’t decide what more was frightening the thought of being discovered or rejected by Louise. What would happen if she refused to go, she had been mad at me when I left, but there was always that tear that ran down her face as I left? Maybe that tear was a bit of hope that I would come back for her, or maybe it was just out of pain. So many different things began running through my head again, the room suddenly started turning. I tried to stand up but the man next to guide me back into my seat. His face was a blur, and all I could here was the fading of a stewardess’s voice, “Are you ok sirrrrrr….” About an hour later I woke up, with a young women staring right back at me. Her face was about to inches above mine and she was sitting with a warm towel on my head. She was pretty with long blond hair and magnificent blue eyes. Her voice suggested that she was sweet and innocent, but her eyes told another story of a free spirit running through life. As I slowly became more conscious she pulled back from me. She sat up looking at me, “Are you ok? You took quite a fall.” I didn’t really no what to say it was obvious what she wanted to here, that I was fine, but I didn’t want to be fine I wanted to be cared for, like Louise. I wanted people in my life to watch over me like she was doing, care about me the rest of my life. Realizing that I wasn’t responding she stood up and left the cabin. She came back with a lunch try, filled with a slimy ham sandwich and a little bag of crackers. “Here you should eat something, it will make you feel better believe me.” I sat up then reaching for the bag of crackers, my hands still trembling with caution. I looked around seeing that we were no longer alone I stood up abruptly knocking over another lunch tray. “Easy there relax, you need to rest a bit, please sir sit down.” That’s when I realized that the two other stewardesses’ were smiling at me and then glanced at the other stewardess that had being talking to me. They smirked and then I realized what was going on. It brought a sudden smile to my own face, I looked at her name tag is read, “Jenifer Melendez”. She blushed and then I realized I had been staring at her for at least 3 minutes. I left the cabin trying to find my way past all the other passengers back to my seat. When I finally reach my seat, the man next to me stared up at me, with a look off horror on his face. “Are you ok?” I asked. “Yeah I’ll be fine you just scared me there for a second. I mean with your whole wipe out and then you literally passed out. But it must have not been too bad I mean I saw you with that girl. Looking at him I realized he was a lot older than I remerged he was about 70. But when I passed out he seemed some what in his 20’s. I tried to seem unaware of what had happened. “I’m sorry I don’t know what you are talking about she was just very nice enough to help me.” “And her being beautiful don’t hurt of course. Ain’t that rite?” He had a familiar smile on his face of those other two girls in the cabin when I woke up. I turned toward the window trying to avoid him, but he seemed to follow my gaze, finally I turned around. “Yes well even if it was nice, it was nothing to her of course. So it doesn’t really mean anything, just that she is doing her job.” It was hard to make myself say that because I wanted to believe more, I wanted to believe that she liked me, that she would go out with me. But I of course would never have the guts to talk to her again. “I don’t know are you sure it meant nothing to her, she seemed to really like ya, on a count of her smiling so much.” That’s when I realized his pure southern accent. It rang loud and clear, I didn’t realize why I hadn’t heard it before. The rest of the plane ride I sat listening to my I pod. Nothing could distract me; I was in the ZONE, as my mom use to say. My mother use to call it that when she would sit out side on our patio and stare at the sky. She would just sit there for hours; she said it gave her time to think. Now I know it just gives you time to read over your life. Like I was reading through chapters I flipped through my life. Nothing or no one could have disturbed me at that moment. I flashed back to time in my childhood when I had recalled making snow angels in the snow with Louise. We both lay flat out in the snow bundled like little marshmallows. Both of us having the time of our lives, doing something so simple that made us so happy. If I may recall right I think I was 18 that year, and I had just come visiting to give my mom a check I owed her from when I was living with them. I don’t remember exactly what it was for, all I remember was that she was 6 and her and I lay out in the snow and made about 25 snow angels that day. I must have look like a moron sitting there with a six year old girl making angels in the snow. My mom wasn’t happy that day I recall quite clearly the anger that built up inside her as I left. I never quite figured out why she was so mad, oh well that is over. “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future” Paul Boese. My mom’s forgiveness toward me has enlarged my future. Its lead me to Louise and I hope I will enlarge her future. As I exited the plane I could se the stewardess from before she saw me and smiled. She started toward me and I looked confused why she would stand the chance of being embarrassed again is beyond me. “Hey, how are you doing?” she said, staring straight into my eyes. “I’m fine now; it has been along time since I’ve gone on a plane I guess I just wasn’t use to the movement.” I replied trying to make every word sound clear. “It happens to a lot of people, but the real reason I came over here is when you left so abruptly before you dropped your wallet.” I reached into my back pocket, and sure enough it was no where to be found. She extended her hand that held the wallet and I took it with a huge smile on my face. “Thank you very much.” She kept glancing over to the coffee place and I new what she wanted me to say. But I didn’t have much time and I needed to get some sleep before I went to see Louise. So without warning I blurted out “I’m going to be in the area for a little bit so maybe we can go grab a cup of coffee sometime.” I could tell she was happy that I asked. She reached back into her duffle bag and brought out a small sticky note. On it she scribbled a number and Jenifer under it. I held it in my hand like a piece of gold. This was the first time in my life that girl had actually gave me her number willingly. I strode to the baggage claim with my head held high. I felt so confident know one could put me down. I noticed how people treat you differently when you have confidence, they almost admire you. When I reached out to get my bag off the carousel I noticed a little boy staring at me. He had a blue sweatshirt on and his head phones from his CD player where tightly wrapped around his neck. I was tempted to ask where his parents where, but decided against it. Walking past with my duffle bag, I noticed he had stuck a piece of paper in an outside pocket. When I was walking to call a cab, I read the paper. It said “Deer Mr. my names Joey im 10 and im really sik, could u give me some mony for lunch?” I turned around slowly to see him standing directly behind me. His hair was scraggly and dirt consumed his shirt and face. He had on a blue backpack that read Harold’s Oranges. I searched for my wallet to look for something small to give him. But then he looked at me with a smirk on his face, realizing that I would give him money. I found a ten dollar bill in my jean pocket and smoothed it out. My hand extended to him and he snatched it up. As soon as his finger tip grasped the bill he took off, near by two other guys raced after him. They were a lot older than him but they looked tired and slow. I stood there dumb in confusion, what was going on. Later when I was in the cab I saw some security guys holding two guys there front to the wall. Next to them was a police dog. Then my eyes shifted to the little boy. He looked petrified standing there next to a huge bulky cop. In his hand he grasped the ten dollar big I had given him before. I leaned forward and the cab driver explained that kids are caught frequently working for drug dealers. He said that kids who are homeless seem to find comfort in those people. I wondered where the little boy would go, but didn’t bother to ask him any more questions. Two hours later I arrive in front of the research hospital. I paid the guy, and started walking up to the front door. It was about 6:30 and visiting hours would be over soon. I tried to make my self invisible to the doctors and nurses, but wasn’t very successful. One nurse on Louise’s floor asked me where I was going, I told her I was in training to be working with the babies. She nodded her head and I thought in my mind how gullible these people are that we’re leaving my sister with. Could someone just walk in and ask to see Louise and just walk out with her. The thought frightened me a little, but I decided to brush it off. When I reached Louise’s room I looked around to see if my mom was inside, but the coats was clear. So I raced in shutting the door behind me carefully. Louise was lying back in a single hospital bed. The room around her was plain and blank nothing alike the other hospital room that was filled with flowers and get well letters. She sat up abruptly as I raced in. “What are you doing here?” She yelled at me. “I need to talk to you Louise about what you said before.” “What did I say? I don’t remember anything. You need to leave now! NURSE! NURSE!” She screamed. She became enraged. “Louise relax, I just want to talk to you. Is that so bad?” I tried to calm her down but nothing was working. How was I going to get her out of here with all the security and her stubbornness? My gaze suddenly shifted to the window that was centered right above a long table. We were on the second floor so it wouldn’t be so hard to get out, but the problem was not me it was getting Louise out. I grabbed her hand, “Louise would you like to get out of here away from all these wires, and tests and all this garbage? Don’t you want to be free again, like human rather then the caged animal that they’ve made you?” I didn’t realize it but I began to squeeze her hand tighter and tighter. She looked away in shame, she new I was right even if I did sound crazy. “When do we leave?” A smile began to take over her face, as she began to climb out of the bed. “Ok, where going to have to sneak out of here. Maybe through your window.” I tried to sound calm but the anxiety took over me and I couldn’t control myself. I cracked open the window, having Louise stand by the door making sure no one was coming. Then I stepped on the table and slid through the small crack out the window. Louise sat on the table waiting for me that is when I realized she was too weak. I reached my arms through the window and lifted her out, trying not to hit her head. We stood on a small ledge outside the window, trying to keep our balance. I jumped down then realizing as I hit the ground that she couldn’t do the same. I encouraged her to jump to me, but she refuses. “Are you crazy I will kill my self and you. I hate to admit it though I am afraid of heights.” “Then jump to me, please I promise I’ll ketch you. I promised I come back didn’t me and I came back for you right. So please just trust me and come down.” She took one more look at me and stepped off the ledge. I was expecting her to be a lot heavier than she was, but ever since she was put on a strict diet she had loss an excessive amount of weight. She must have been expecting me to drop her, because she lay in my arms for like 2 minutes with her eyes squeezed shut. I reassured her she was still alive and she stood up in embarrassment. As soon as she did her ankle gave out, and she fell to the ground. “Sorry, it’s just I haven’t stood up in a while and I really to weak to walk a lot. Please don’t leave me behind though. ” “I would never leave you behind, not after coming all this way.” We exchanged smiles, but in my head I was pondering how I would get her to the plane. We walked slowly and I let her lean on me to keep her balanced. I called in a cab to pick us up, so we wouldn’t have to strain our self’s to walk into town. The cab swerved up on the curb, making Louise and I both pulled back quickly. He was a scrubby guy with two gold teeth in front, I hesitated to get in, but Louise pulled me inside. As we drove I pulled out my cell phone to call my friend. He directed me to where the plane would be docked. The run way site was located in a marsh. His plane was known as a sea plane, it had two bars at the bottom that allowed it glide over the water. He had parked it on the marshy grounds and I could see his slender figure from the car. He waved with a huge smile stretching across his face. “Holy crap it’s the Jolly Green Giant.” Louise remarked. “Hey, he may look different, but he’s a great guy and has a surprise for you.” We got out of the cab and started over toward him. He came right forward and squeezed me tight. I introduced Louise to him and we socialized for a while. Louise demanded to know where I was taking her but my lips were sealed. We all loaded in and took our seats. The take off was pretty smooth, but when I turned to Louise her face was turning purple. “I’m ok” she reassured me. The whole plane ride she stared out the window in awe. Since she was taken out of school for so long I don’t think she realized where we were flying over. But when we began to fly over the snow her face lit up. It was like watching all the city lights turn on at once. Her face was so full of life and joy. She looked at me and me instantly new she was happy and very thankful. She didn’t have to say anything I just new she felt that way. He took the plane over a tiny city and landed it on an isolated plat form. We all exited the plane quickly because Louise had pushed through us. She stood speechless in the freezing cold shivering. My friend took off his jacket and laid it over her shoulders. She took is willingly and rand ahead of us opposite of town. She raced up a hill and stood there in amazement at the beautiful glistening snow. She extended her arms out in the air taking in the wind that passed by her. I followed her foot tracks and watched her for at least 10 minutes standing there. She came up to me and grabbed my hand pulling me to the ground. She was shaky and had to lower her self to the ground. I could her breathing next to me. We lay next to each other on the cold hard ground. Yet it didn’t feel cold it felt soft and fluffy like we were sailing on a cloud through the sky. We signaled to me to make snow angels. She waved and flapped her arms and legs in the snow. She created a perfect snow angel, unlike my un proportioned one. Memories of my childhood raced through my head. I had remembered the time I sat in the snow with her and made snow angels. She told me that they were going to watch over us. And now laying in here in the snow I hoped that they would watch over us. Louise leaned over and touched my hand. Her hand felt like ice, and her breath was heavy. She laid her head back and closed her eyes, I did the same. We watched the clouds pass by over head and wind wisp past us. The wind seemed to sing a song of compassionate love to one another. I felt her hand loosen grip and I new the angels had taken her. I laid there as my tears seemed to turn to ice sickles I wish I would be taken by our snow angels and watched over too. I laid there until the sunset and I watched the streaming colors of the sky set in. They seemed to carry me away into a world of happiness and love. The sun set and the moon arose in the sky. As the moon arose I swear I could here the sweet sound of Louise’s calming voice in the wind.