this one's for you

this isn't a poem, its a letter. * Everything about you reminds me of what I dont want to remember or think about, but Im always thinking about you. We were never just friends so maybe thats why things are so messed between us now, we never knew how to be friends and it shows. I miss the way you used to talk to me and how you made me feel like I was the only one in the world, or atleast the only one important to you, even though obviously now its not true. I was trying to prtoect myself by lying to myself ... and you. Now im hurting more than ever and the truth is haunting me, I knew I wasn't meant to be that happy. The last time you kissed me I pulled away and I wish I never left you like that and I'm so sorry for that, but I guess you got me back in your own way. I only wish now that you make her that happy. I wish I could hate you for what you did to me, I want to so badly, and then maybe things would get better. We fight now almost every day and it kills me that we've been reduced to this, but neither of us is going to let go. You said that maybe it was a mistake what we did, but I know it wasnt, I think thats the worst thing anyones said to me. If its worth anything it was worth it all the while, and you were the best mistake I ever made, and if I had the chance I would make the same mistake over and over again. So I guess now Im waiting, maybe not so patiently, for you to be ready to make the same mistakes with me again. We've been through to much for us to give up now and I know you still love me, or else you wouldnt wait have waited for me when you said you were leaving. I know you still think about us and wonder what we could have had, and maybe one day we'll find out. We fight because its easier to hate sometimes, its easier to find the bad then the good because the bad is always on the surface, waiting to be recognized. I know you love her now, and you want to hate me so you can love only her, I know you try to hate me and you hate me because you cant. Once you said you would wait for me aslong as it took, I guess I took to long, but now even if you never see this, I want to say ... its my turn to wait now and I dont think either of us will ever stop feeling for eachother because it goes so deep. For me this is the hardest thing to say, even though you might not hear it, but I loved you and I always wanted to say it, but I was scared that it wouldnt have been enough. So now I still love you, and if its not enough, atleast I tried. So dont forget me, and what we had.