Failure

Failure I have come to admit I am a total failure. Nothing I do is good enough, I am never up to par. I want someone to listen to me, give ma a chance. I am shot down, my pleadings to no avail. I try so hard to do my best, but I fall just short of all the rest. When I think I am on the right track, I find I was wrong all along. I hate this vicious cycle I have found myself in. I’ll try and fall and foolishly I try to restart again and again. I feel I have pushed myself to the limit and then farther. Drained of strength I have no will to fight off my fears again. I fall into a dark spiral and spin out of control, being consumed. I begin to cry, and the tears come as deep harsh sobs, shaking me all over. I’m lost into the endless nights, the empty skies and the pitch dark. Everything hurts and I have never felt so incomplete. I wish for once someone would take what I’m saying seriously. It would be a nice change from the norm of being written off as nothing. I guess that's what I am to most people, a simple bit of nothing. A person who doesn’t care and will never go anywhere important. I am not the person they see, I an someone else entirely. I am not the slacker, or the druggie slut they think I am. I am not the smart kid who just doesn’t feel like working. Or the pot head who's only worry is her next toke time. I am none of those things, I am my own me. I am the girl who wishes she was worth a bit more. I am the the girl who wants to be the brilliant light in your eyes. Actress, comedian, smart girl, pusher, hard worker, writer and artist. I want to be recognized for that, seen for me from the inside. I pray someone, anyone can see those things in me and understand me. Catt</3 .......... 4/3/2006....afternoon