Despite what I say..

Despite what I say I'm not okay And I'm thinking about this shit every night and day despite what I said I wish I were dead I'm lost, scared, and confused I hurt, I feel ugly, and used I'm different,stupid,and a freak And what if I wasn't soo weak I know I can't deal I know I can't heal` All these thoughts in my head As I lie in my bed I can't do anything but cry and sit there and wish I could die But what about all those people who make you hate they change they're life they change your fate Don't they know how many lives they'll take Don't they realize some really won't wake I know their sick lust It makes me cringe in disgust They always try to lower other's worth It makes me wonder why they're put on this earth And If I know it's them, the one's who aren't worth it, who bring me my pain why do I care is it just that I am soo insane It's getting to the point where I'm almost there there where I'll be gone Till the day that all hope is gone I will be forced to carry on That day is nearing Its what I should be fearing But I'm not Its almost something I've sought letting go is what I think I should do After all the shit I've been through I know the one's who should see it don't Or is it that they just won't Cuz I felt this for a long time and I've tried to show it I don't know why they can't see my soul is as dark as ink These are my feelings this is what I think and I just wanna know when,my ship will come in Excuse me now I gotta go cry myself to sleep again....