Amnesty

The pills didn't work. You made all your calls, sending a faint SOS in your goodbyes. Then you woke, pale and disappointed in a small room where you started to plan your escape again. The bullet worked. The black lead seared through every painful memory. You erased them from your mind by blowing away your brain. If only guilt and fear could be surgically removed... But like an uncontainable cancer they spread throughout the body till death is the only cure. There are times when I believe that only you would forgive me for my life between the ages of seventeen and twenty-two. All the diary pages ripped and burned trying to undo them... to hide them from myself. But the ashes sift through denial into a pile of conscious shame. If I knocked on your dark door, you would open it and welcome me and say, "I understand." by Lisa (Teel) Rodriguez 1984