Feeling left inside

I feel as though im the beggining of all pain. the reasoning for destruction. i cant love for fear that it will turn into tears. tears that are not my own and blood drips that pool. how can i hide away, when i have left a trail? a trail of hurt behind me, while others clear it away. while others are tripping over my destruction. i sit alone in desperate need of help. my shadow cloaks everyone that cares for me, suffocating them into a slow death. but by the time i realize its killing them. they are gone and in my pure disbelief. there are so many that have gone. so many that i cared soo much for. it was me that that was suffocating them. within my black cold heart.