I never thought I'd be okay again
Not after those days of being so lost.
But somehow I can sit here with my pen
And remember just how much it all cost.

The past six years I have searched for something
Anything to fill the gap you left in my heart
But nothing seemed to match the joy you could bring.
I suppose I should begin, like most do, at the start.

I always loved you because you were my dad
but as the days continued I grew closer to you.
It was almost like I knew ahead was something bad.
I wished that what I saw was not true.

The guilt eats away at my soul and forces me down
Why didnt I see how this would end?
The better question is why I let you drown
In a bottomless can just around the bend.

I knew it was happening before my eyes
and now I pay for it in full, missing you.
It wasnt until I heard her sad sad cries 
that I knew the guilt would never be through.

I will forever carry the weight on my shoulders
I know I could have saved you if I tried
You were as stubborn as the biggest boulders
But you might have listened if I cried.

I know you loved me and probably still do
But there will never be enough repentence.
I will never feel like I can start anew
I am six years in to a lifelong sentence.