Six years into my lifelong sentence.

I never thought I'd be okay again Not after those days of being so lost. But somehow I can sit here with my pen And remember just how much it all cost. The past six years I have searched for something Anything to fill the gap you left in my heart But nothing seemed to match the joy you could bring. I suppose I should begin, like most do, at the start. I always loved you because you were my dad but as the days continued I grew closer to you. It was almost like I knew ahead was something bad. I wished that what I saw was not true. The guilt eats away at my soul and forces me down Why didnt I see how this would end? The better question is why I let you drown In a bottomless can just around the bend. I knew it was happening before my eyes and now I pay for it in full, missing you. It wasnt until I heard her sad sad cries that I knew the guilt would never be through. I will forever carry the weight on my shoulders I know I could have saved you if I tried You were as stubborn as the biggest boulders But you might have listened if I cried. I know you loved me and probably still do But there will never be enough repentence. I will never feel like I can start anew I am six years in to a lifelong sentence.