My Fault, Sorry For Everything

I made another mistake This isn’t unusual for me But this one affects others Why didn’t I see? I played spin the bottle I just wanted to have fun I could have changed my mind But the bottle had already spun Three guys and one girl I can’t believe that there was a chick I didn’t think about my boy Some would say I’m thick I would say I was pressured But that’s possibly an excuse I didn’t want to lie to him What’s the use? I knew he wasn’t going to take it well But I told him the very next day He didn’t even say a word He just turned and walked away He wants me back as a friend now But I really don’t think I could I don’t want to see the damage I’ve made Although I probably should I feel like the worst person in the world I’ve been a complete whore I was going to stop all my shit But now all I want is more I know I can’t do that It’s not fair on me or anyone else I want to know why I did it I really am only hurting myself I will never get over the last six months I wish I could go back I want to be perfect again Even though I used to get all the flack I would have never cheated I would have never caused pain I used to have everything I wanted I had everything to gain I can’t go back only forwards I have to try to forget That’s where my habit helps My minds already set I get myself high It’s the only way I can cope I really want to do it Short of hanging a rope I’m not a happy person I want to disappear I’ve done so many stupid things And the reason for it is not clear Cheating is another mistake And it soars up at the top It soars just under my habit The one that makes my brain cells pop I’m just a cheating bitch I did it because I can’t cope I’m not capable of having a boyfriend And this was easier then leaving you a note It would have been easier If I just said I’m leaving you But I didn’t see that at the time It would have been easier through and through I shouldn’t have said I love you back What is love anyway? If I could feel it Then would I even be able to say? You say love hurts It feels like your heart Is bleeding and torn It has been attacked and ripped apart I was the attacker I plead guilty for the crime There is so much guilt I wonder if it will fade in time I’m sorry I’m sorry to you I’m sorry to myself I’m sorry for you I am not sorry for myself! I would go back to you if it was fair But it is not at all I’ll just do it again I can’t stop this fall So this is my goodbye But I don’t think it will be read I really can’t be any sorrier Every tear I have has shed IM SORRY