The Story About Unlucky Max (You need to be at least18 years old

Darn, I don't know why people are so mad at me. Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Max. I am quite big and young guy who likes pretty girls. I wish they had the same feelings about me too.... It all began at high school. At age of fifteen I already felt very horny about the girls. My mother always told me "Be natural, be yourself". So I did. In the morning the classes had begun. First in my life, I have got B for algebra which I hated the most. However, the teacher of such subject was different. She was nubile. So, she came to me and put my test assignment list on my desk saying "Congrutalation Max, now you are really showing some progress". I was so delighted that I said "Oh yes baby. But you know, if you just take off your bra and shake your boobies in front of me, that would be so cool!". I immediately recieved large slap in my face and 4 months of detention! But I didn't do anything wrong! I swear. In one summer day, I was at birthday party of one old man who used to be a grandfarther of my friend. There was a lot of food. I immediately grabbed large portion of spagetti and began devouring it. Strange, but my friend seemed not very enthusiastic about the food at all. Most of the time, when I ate the food he looked at me with horror on his face. Meanwhile, I began eating the entire turkey. For some reason, not only my friend but the rest of other guests tried to take it away from me. But I was hungry and loved torkey! Then, it was the time for toast. I immediatly raised from my chair with big bottle of takilla in my left hand and said: " So you are 86 years old grammy. You are very old bastard who has nothing to do, but rubbing his scruffy ass, farting, and shaking his half dried stinky testicles. And you still think that girls around the town would think that you are sexy? Stinky, dumb, asshole. You are..." I had not finished. Those guys simply kicked me out of the house and told me to stay away from it and my friend. What was not really good that my friend after that refused to be my friend. He was simply ashamed by me. But I was not sorry for myself. In contrary, I was very sorry for my silly friend and his relatives. If I were him, I would kick my grand farther's ass and tell him pointing the finger right in his right eye "You fucko, respect my friend". When I finished high scool, I was serving in the army. I thought that would be cool, but I was wrong. What the hell? No cheeks, no boobies, and you have to wake up early in the morning. This didn't look like the real army at all. I still can't forget that day when I was badly beaten by the sergeant. It was in the early morning when I with the rest of our solders had gathered in the row. Sergent was standing right in front of us. "Rise up!! Turn left, right. Freeze!" yelled that darn asshole. Suddenly I began laughing. Sergeant immediately came to me "What are you laughing at, moron?" So, I said what I thought " You know, sergeant, I just wonder if someone puts hunch of powder in your underwear and you put it on, how well you will pi-pi after that? It would surely be kind of unpleasantly pricky isn't it sergeant isn't it? Ha-ha-ha!" O,k. I was mercilessly beaten up in front of other solders. Nobody of them came to protect me. And they call themselves army guards. Shame on them! Oh, I just don't understand. I think I did everything right. At least 80% right. So, why is it happening to me? Why don't people like me? It is not fair, not fair I am telling you!