i've grown too used to this numbness
do i really deserve to feel this?
granted, i feel nothing at all.
but won't that makes things so much worse when i fall?

words coming from their lips
silent, compared to their fingertips
the blood coming from my lips
tastes so much sweeter when we kiss

it's bittersweet that you've been gone this week
i've done some thinking and undergone
some unwelcome changing
and its got me screaming and i've given up sleeping.

i lost that pitiful girl, careening 
towards drinking, cheating, dizzy dreaming.
i've been sober of my old ways, with too many second
glances
second guessing my second chances

i remember the rain and the thunder
it was nearly too much, i should've gone under
now i lie dazed in shallow puddles
bitter wind replaces warmth, but i breathe in those
shudders.

i've lost some weight, and even more sleep.
gained some scars, too many this week.
the cars speed by a shimmering frame
peering out from the darkness

i realize i'll always feel the same.