People always tell me
shaking there heads...
"I dont know how you do it..."

How I can keep up with 
so much responsability
and still seem to be on top.

How I wink at a
mountian of duties
or with an "S" on my chest
push myself to
accomplish more than 
one should ever try in 24 hrs.

How I always have a reply 
or a solution or advice
a kind word, a soft answer...

How do I tell them 
I'm so not superwoman?

How do I tell them 
I hate the way my life 
has turned out 

and that I'm so stuck
I'm suffocating.

If I'm so brave
why am I so scared?

If I'm so strong
why do I feel so week?

I am so afraid of making more
mistakes I dont want to move
even though my situation
demands it.

I wish I could run away
away from all my problems
but I'm not 15 any more
No, thoes days and thoes solutions 
are so far gone now...
more than 15 years ago 
it was my most predictable choice

I never thought I would say 
15 years ago, about anything...

getting older is wierd...
and it is hard! Especially 
when you've made mistakes 
you cant change.

I love being a mother
I dont love being his wife.
I hate the lies I believed 
I hate pretence and decete.
I sick knowing I missed out

Just love me or dont
kids are part of the package
at least this package...
Its a bonus package...

I'm too tired to try anymore
to exsausted to comprmise
just want to be left alone.
But you will not go away.