I sit after the good-bye, alone, not wanting to see another
person. Because the next face I see will dull his. I play a
sad song in my head, so I can’t hear my sobbing.
I sit in the dark watching a large red back spider, pull
away its prey. The light falls in a way that gives
everything a feel of another world, who knows where, but it
was not the planet I have learned to know.
The red stripe down its back warns me to keep my distance;
it is a symbol of the deadly venom under its threatening
skin. I can almost hear it injecting more poison into the
poor, helpless cockroach. There is nowhere for it to go. The
red back is drawing the roach in. The closer the red back
gets the farther the roach moves away from everything else.
In a way it is almost peaceful, to not have to worry about
anything anymore. When the strange black shape injects more
venom, the world gets darker and closes around the two
beings. They are the only things left on the earth. It is
almost an addiction. But nothing can last forever, the roach
slowly stops moving and the red back drags it away silently,
to prey on, for the red back, there was no addiction, it was
survival.     
My sad song has played out just like the life of the roach.
I start to walk towards other life, I am about to see
another face. I lower myself back down to earth. There is
reality and it is almost agony. Simplicity in a complicated
world is next to impossible. 
I have so much to give, but can’t give anything away. I
take so much, but I can’t take anything; not what I want.

I can’t wait forever, but has forever already passed? When
will I be able to tell when enough is enough? Or when will I
feel I can’t get enough? 
I look at myself from the outside. I’m looking in on a
small girl, her eyes seam so big, full of so many different
emotions, love, guilt, sadness. She is overwhelmed and
confused. 
The light plays on her face and dances in the trees. She
seems so pure in the dark, bent down over, watching a spider
prepare its meal, on that small, rural street. But there is
something dark and deep inside. Something ready to burst
out, just like that spider would have caught the roach. She
was caught like that roach, off guard and vulnerable. And
now she has been broken. Everything, every time they are
together she loses more. Soon there will be nothing left and
she will be pulled away. Or will it be him?
I have so much to give, but can’t give anything away. 
So am I the red back or the roach?