Two simple beings in one messed up world (which one is me?)

I sit after the good-bye, alone, not wanting to see another person. Because the next face I see will dull his. I play a sad song in my head, so I can’t hear my sobbing. I sit in the dark watching a large red back spider, pull away its prey. The light falls in a way that gives everything a feel of another world, who knows where, but it was not the planet I have learned to know. The red stripe down its back warns me to keep my distance; it is a symbol of the deadly venom under its threatening skin. I can almost hear it injecting more poison into the poor, helpless cockroach. There is nowhere for it to go. The red back is drawing the roach in. The closer the red back gets the farther the roach moves away from everything else. In a way it is almost peaceful, to not have to worry about anything anymore. When the strange black shape injects more venom, the world gets darker and closes around the two beings. They are the only things left on the earth. It is almost an addiction. But nothing can last forever, the roach slowly stops moving and the red back drags it away silently, to prey on, for the red back, there was no addiction, it was survival. My sad song has played out just like the life of the roach. I start to walk towards other life, I am about to see another face. I lower myself back down to earth. There is reality and it is almost agony. Simplicity in a complicated world is next to impossible. I have so much to give, but can’t give anything away. I take so much, but I can’t take anything; not what I want. I can’t wait forever, but has forever already passed? When will I be able to tell when enough is enough? Or when will I feel I can’t get enough? I look at myself from the outside. I’m looking in on a small girl, her eyes seam so big, full of so many different emotions, love, guilt, sadness. She is overwhelmed and confused. The light plays on her face and dances in the trees. She seems so pure in the dark, bent down over, watching a spider prepare its meal, on that small, rural street. But there is something dark and deep inside. Something ready to burst out, just like that spider would have caught the roach. She was caught like that roach, off guard and vulnerable. And now she has been broken. Everything, every time they are together she loses more. Soon there will be nothing left and she will be pulled away. Or will it be him? I have so much to give, but can’t give anything away. So am I the red back or the roach?