20/20 hind sight

I think I was 15 the first time I ran. loosing grip of any hand reaching out to me I was spiraling out of controll, the storm inside was to much to contend with I did't plan it out, I just seized an oppurtunity. Drugs, alcohol in abundance...freedom from the reality I did't want to face I stayed with a girl and her mother. They taught me how to shoplift. I was too afraid, untill I watched her. she was so confident so arrogant her mother must have taught her well. I tried it, I almost went into convulsions I was so scared. But I got away with it and a new compultion was born. I was sent home by the athorities, only to run again. I was arrested. so thin, I slid out of the cuffs and thru them in the cops face. I was arrested again, and again after that I was labled wayward and incorrigible. Looking at the possability of a jail for girls like me, I said a prayer...almost mute I just wanted happiness, peace, contentment It dosn't come from money or drugs or sex. It dosn't come from being skinny or white or blond ,they have not brought me joy of any measure. being a mother brings joy, but it also brought about a expitied jump into adult hood. I couldnt teach my child to steal or to run when life is tearing you apart I had to be an example yeah, some would think that was a joke who knew me then but, I have pulled through God must have the credit because I had to go on auto pilot many times... He help me, and I did change I wanted to, or I would have just reenacted all the terrors I knew compleating the cycle of abuse to another generation now,its like a liftime ago just remember... when your young dont get too stuck were you are because things change, fast! in just a few years you may not even recognize yourself as you stand right now...with tears, and heartache. You can change, you can be happy as absurd or trite as it sounds It does get better...if better is what you want, and are willing to put excruciating pain into. It beats hells open arms beconing you to jump its worth a try to send up that almost mute prayer for help heaven just waits for the nod to come to your rescue ultimately its your choice "weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning..."