Drinking to my dispair

I feel my head pound, As I try to refrain from listening to the sound. It's the abyss and escape- the numbing feeling from the hurt and the pain that keeps bringing me here, Pushes everything out and I have nothing to fear. I feel some peace, It's a quick release. The thoughts roll around and around in my head, It makes me hard to read and my thoughts are still left unsaid. That's why I write to let it out, Try to scream and shout. Turning my feelings into paper and pen, I don't always feel I get out all out- not diffusing the hurt and the pain then. I wish I could at least think straight, Guess in time things will become clear but until then I'll just wait. I'm setting myself up for a new start, Distancing myself from the past. I know the past will always be a part of me, But without closing that chapter I cannot truly see. Through the haze, the confusion- the past, I know it will not happen over night and I know it will not happen fast. But I know it will happen for me, And I know I'll become who I want to be. I spend my life protecting others but forgetting me, And I know no-one would disagree. I am too self less and perhaps that is my downfall, I tend to crumble at the sign of conflict and begin to crawl. But this is the part where I realise and begin to grow. I have realised my faults and I will let them go.