Absolutely Nothing

I remember the times They are stuck in my memories I can see the pictures As if they were glued onto the inside of my eyelids Every time I close my eyes I see them As clear as daylight I can hear your voice It recorded itself in my mind Every night before I rest my head and close my tired eyes I can hear it Whispering Talking Screaming I hear it I remember your interests I turn around Left, right Right, left I see something that resembles you I remember everything I remember every part of you Inside out As if I had just seen it two minutes ago But that’s not possible is it And I want to forget But all I do is remember Why? How come every picture I see, every smell I inhale, every place that I go I remember you I don’t get it What did I do to deserve this? I know Confusing Would think that remembering my dad My father I would feel glad, joyful, or tranquil But I don’t I don’t feel glad, or joyful, and especially not calm I feel irritated Betrayed I feel sad And angry I feel broken I was daddy’s little girl And he left He just left me No sign No clue No reason When I got home one evening, he just wasn’t there That’s why I feel how I feel ‘Cuz he took my happiness with him He took it for himself And without my permission As a memory? Just to bug me? For no reason? I don’t know And to be truthful I don’t care No matter the reason He still took it And it wasn’t his to take Because stealing has its consequences It has its price And the consequence for you taking my happiness Is much worse than pain It’s much worse than suffering It’s much worse than hate Your price is me feeling nothing for you Absolutely nothing Not hate That only hurts me Not love That makes no sense Not indifference That’s just confusing Not understanding Because I don’t understand Not even close Feeling nothing is what I feel for you It’s the perfect emotion The right feeling I don’t want to feel betrayed, or sad, or angry You’re not worth it Not even one bit So why would I hurt myself When I’m trying to hurt you There’s no point So I went searching I went looking deep inside myself To change my train of thought To change the way I felt And luckily, My effort was not futile I found what I was looking for I found what I was seeking for since you left I discovered nothingness And now that I feel nothing I am going to try to regain my happiness The happiness you took was the real thing But if I trick myself Of I pretend I have my real happiness back And not a replacement I think I could forget I think I could forget that you took something I most treasured I could forget your face I could forget your voice I could forget your interests I could forget you And I think that’s the cure To pretend And to rebuild my happiness Wow…. What an epiphany And I am so eager to start I just can’t wait I don’t want to remember anymore I don’t want to feel the sting So why not start now? I’m too impatient So let me begin I’m happy I’m joyful I’m elated I’m glad And who is that guy again?