i have so much pain inside,
i feel so violated scars open wide.
Its so hard to hide what is real,
i wish in someways that i couldnt feel.
I wish that i had no emotions,
then i could handle all lifes commotions.
I look at my life and all i see,
Is a dark, deep,mysterious me.
No achievments, no set tasks,
Is happiness to much to ask?
Controlled is what my life has been,
None of my own choices- done what other have expected to
have seen.
I wish i could be 'perfect',
no bad past and no defects.
I wish i could be really strong, 
To get through all lifes wrongs.
I hate paying for others mistakes,
I wish i could just slow it down-just put on the brakes.
I wish i had no fears,
and no reason for tears.
I wish i would not doubt so much,
Because it makes me loose touch.
Touch with what could have been-or could be,
but..no decisions i can make i cant break free.
I dont no what im trying to ask?
Show me life not hidden by a mask?
Innocent anf fun,
Good times that cannot be undone.
But as soon as the sun starts to shine,
I can say im fine.
Bit soon something bad will come my way,
and once again i will pay.
Pay for what im unsure?
But that is not the end there is more.
my life will never be what i want it to be,
Will i ever be free?
I wish it would just stay good,
Then rust in this life i could.
Nevr happy- always sad,
Something wants to make me mad.
It thrives in me ending my life,
And i keep fantiscing about this knife.
I single cut to my wrist depply into the skin,
But why the fuck should i give in?
It hard to fight these feelings when i feel i have nothing
to live for,
I just want that exit- that open door!