Why?

Last night I asked myself, "Why am I in this world?" It has no meaning for me, it wouldn't change with me not in it, Maybe it'd be a better place. My friends wouldn't have to Constantly worry if I'm alive or not, they'd know that I wasn't, No one would feel the pain I felt, cause no one would hear it, No one would harrass me, I would not be there to harrass, And not a soul would be wounded with me gone, no ones life depends on me. So I asked myself again, "Why can't I end it?" And I couldn't find the answer to that. Maybe I haven't got the coward in me to throw myself off that cliff, maybe somehow I know that the fall wouldn't kill me, maybe I want to wait until I turn 13, just to show everyone that I truly did want to see my 13th birthday, then kill myself. Noone understands how lonely I am, no one knows how I cry, Surrounded with people, laughing and smiling, yet when I look with my heart there's noone around me, there's noone that cares. They all say they're my best friends, but I see nothing when they say it, I look at them all and I think to myself, "Why do I surround myself with these people?" The only answer I could come up with is I'm lonely, and I'm searching for someone to end my pain. I want to hold off, but I want to do it right now, I want to show everyone that they were in my life but not my heart, and I want to show my family that a little more care and a lot less criticism could have stopped this from happening.