how i feel (not a poem)

my life is so confusing i don't know where to start i guess i'll start with my friends not really my favorite part my friends are really sweet to me even if im not worth their time they always judge who i am and it gets really annoying it makes me feel not worthy what i think is wierd is that they just judge only me not anyone else sometimes i wonder if i'm that much of a pushover cuz when they say those hurtful words i just curl up and wither like the person i must seem it frustrates me that i can't speak up but the use my words are like dust picked up and thrown away or shoved under the rug just to hide me alone but also i feel like a total different person out going and loud that says 'no on can stop me cuz they don't know how!' i want to be that mystery no one can solve but still be a great person responsible and has a great attitude and not the person i am now the procrastinator the nobody the ugly one why can't people see that i want to be me i want to say what i want to say be who I want to be and never turn back beacuse this is how i feel what are YOU gonna do now?