Particles of concrete
hurl through my bloodstream,
collect at my heart,
begin the new walls.
Barricades of grey,
they keep life out
but they also trap me
in.

I've left the wounds open
too long, let them fester,
let them rot me away.
The dark damage,
the raw disintegration,
I can't blame just you
anymore.

Although I dream of metal
slicing through pale flesh,
of the pink water swirling away,
I fight.
You will not scar me anymore,
I will not scar myself.
No more lilac lines
across my wrists.

So the walls go up,
I shut myself off.
I cannot feel,
I will not try.
The consuming love,
its bubbling poison,
I try to forget.

No more scribbling over the
shadowed memories
with the ones made only
of colour.
No more drowning out
the haunting words
with ones made up
of melodies.

Stop.

I won't destroy myself
by loving you
for even one more day.



(When you could never
love me the same.)