The first time?
I didn't know what I was doing.
I had been wronged and cheated on.
Moving on seemed worth proving.
And when it backfired,
I promised myself, "Never again."
But off and on,
I always let myself succumb to sin.

The second time,
Oh, I was so truly in love with him.
And even when he didn't love me in return,
I made it happen all over again.
If he wanted to play it back,
And it was all still all a lie.
I'd let it play on repeat
Until the last day of my life.

The third time,
I always had a bad feeling.
But I couldn't resist very long,
With my legs soon reaching again for ceiling.
I entered a downward spiral on day one,
But he made me feel so loved.
I gave him everything I had left,
And all I got was fucked.

Why do I let myself give in?
I try so hard to avoid the physical,
And always right away I'm just screwing him.

Do I like feeling alone and used?
I know I don't really,
But forever am I plagued by my own abuse.

Sex has broken me down.
It has control of every new relationship from the start.
It rears it's triumphant stature,
And every time this breaks my heart.

Will I ever be happy inside?
When will I be more than fucked?
Will this happen every single time?
Do I even really want to be loved?

[8.8.09 - 12:15a.m. - for myself]