What the hell am i doing? 
i have an issue
not like most people do
you see my issue is terrible
no one will ever know
i have no other choice
then to do this to myself
for if i where to hurt him
i'd hurt me as well
you see i've been hurting for awhile
but now i know
i can set my pain free
i thought he loved me sweetly
but you see he did not
im losing my grib on reality
i wish to find myself back in his heart
but he really doesnt car
you see i cant show him
that im really falling apart
all he can see is smiles
for i show him none of my tears
everyone says he should know
but thats my biggest fear
you see if he were to find out
he would just turn and walk away
not really caring if i was okay
so i hide all my feelings
you see i hurt myslef
but i will never tell him
so i close my eyes tightly
and let my blood flow
you see i try hiding it 
so he doesn't see past my show

So what the hell am i doing? 
i should tell that im suffering
im done with pretending
im ready for him to know
that my love for him hasnt died 
you see it just grows and grows
i really want to show him 
what losing him caused
but i have no clue how
so i'm writtng this for him
hoping he'll understand
for he's the only one 
that holds my heart in his hands.