**you ARE a poseur. in the summer you were blonde and happy

and preppy with your designer clothes. and now you dye your

hair black, put safety pins all over your clothes, smoke 
weed, drink, hover around james and his friends and anyone 
else who is "cool" and steal their identity's and pretend 
and eventually force yourself to like what they like just 
so momentarily you can feel like you belong.**

thats the passage that this poem comes from.


Found Poem #1

dressed in dark
trying to hard
looking everywhere
somewhere...
to leave her mark.

she didnt belong
in the rich world
she didnt fit
the deisnger image
so she left society
and sang her own song.

the song that so
many before
had already sang
they embraced
the newcomer with joy
they silently dyed
and sandpapered away
the evil past
there. she was 
ready to go.

she wouldnt drink
becuase memories distant
of being a 13 year
old skank
suddenly her heart sank.
they were passing a joint
something she hated
she felt alone
desolate,
she started to think...

no matter what her role
wherever she went
there would be
drugs, sex
and alcohol...
she'd have to give in
sometime...
to not to
was always her goal.

but the world grew 
darker
each and everyday
no matter what she wanted
it was never that way,
she was trapped under
ice, her head in a vice
she scream pull me back
and the ones before
started to cry,
she realized these were her friends
however how few.

finially it was okay
to like what she did
all of those stupid things
that she tidally hid.
the movies her friends
of past despised
all of the music
she listened too at home
finially, she was safe
atleast so she thought
for the day.

but then things changed
and the sunshine turned to rain
once again
the blonde days
flooded back
and there was nothing she 
could do to fight
the feelings...
she said fuck the world
i only want to die anyways
and copied her friends
horrible choices
and silently with a friend
arranged...

for her to be high
they decided it was time
she said whatever
old girl
i hate you and goodbye
and that was the night
her soul started to die.

the one she loved
left her
the ones she relied on
changed.
they hit a new level
where she wouldn't go
whatever happened
she'd always be at his show
and suddenly she found
in him
more of a friend
than in her kin
and when she admitted defeat
to the curb she was shoved.

so she lost her best
girl
and he was a whore
she looked around
realizing
she didnt know left from right
anymore...
she was caught in teh middle
torn as to what
she looked around
to see a freak fest.

she was in too deep
where she couldnt swim
she didnt know what else
than to leave them.
she she was emo for
a couple of days
realizing though
she missed the goth ways
and then through her clothes
the blonde started to seep.

the whole feeling..
not fitting in
of not being right
she started to scratch,
to pick at her skin.
she wanted to leave
all of this behind
but she couldnt
she was stuck she did find,
she was sick of this dealing.

he helped her through
and he hugged her
and told her he loved her
and that no matter what he would
never let go
she smiled on the inside
but didnt let that show,
she realized finially
who were her friends
true.

but she was wrong
and in the middle
was caught
between two best friends
who one never liked
her but pretended she did
to get the other back
wow how that hurt
the hot knife in her back,
but still head high
she marches
singing the song.

she used to have
a pin for a friend
now she only
has two
and they are not
for that
they hold her coat together
at the seem...
what happened to all
of her savv?

she's sassy and mean
she's a bitch
and a queen.

she rules over 
those who come 
singing the song,
but now thats fading..
fading to blonde..
those memories
brought back by her lover.

so at night she cries
and silently
she prays to Jesus
asking questions
that will never be answered
and she fears the new school
where she's being
sent
as punishment for
all the shit through
at the school she went,
after her prayers
she silently hopes
that before morning
she dies.

and nothing has changed
as a blonde failure
she hoped this too
when suddenly the dark side
start to show
through all teh blonde
in her hair
all of the glitter
on the clothes that she
used to wear.
but now she is, quite
ultimately
deranged.

she's so morally lost
heartbroken and sad
looking around
for the love she once had
the love that rejected her
and never loved her back,
yeah that one...
too bad now
her friendship has a cost.

xoxo
Kyelle