even as a blonde
i couldn't make it
so why when i change
do you say i fake it?

it isn't like
i didn't like
this stuff before
it's more like
i wasn't allowed
to admit
all of the stuff
i did at home.

ask those who
knew me as both
a blonde
and a freak
and you will find
the answers no-one seeks.

i have always
admired the china
doll look
the one that
they don't show
in magazines
that the would ignores.
i wanted to be that
i hated society
and  i hate everything
that it has done to me.

what normal 15 year ofl girl
should wish for breast
augmentation
for liposuction
and a 15 million dollar
contract
to be a celebrity
whether for singing
or porn
it didn't matter to me.

how normal is that?
well i guess very
when you're blonde
and you're ugly.
when you're blonde and you
dont fit in anywhere
when you seem so perfect
but inside you're
marred.
from the cool clique
barred
for trashing their ways
from teh outsiders
banned
for not being the same.

so what can one do?
except turn their back
be the thing
that is commonly attacked.

and so i did
and now im a freak
guess what though
this change didnt take
only a week.

it's been years in the making
and all this shit that
im taking
it isn't right
becuase now im not faking.
this is who i have
become...
and this is who
i want to be
and nobody
not even you
can take that from me.

so accept the change
you've changed too
and about all our choices
there is nothing we can do.

yeah i've been mean
but so have you
i guess in the end
we're pretty much equal
and i guess according to you
our friendship is through.

so why do you care?
if you hate me so much
why do you care
what i say on my lunch?

why do say all my friends
are of pity
when you were teh best
of those friends I ever had
why, oh god why
has everything good
suddenly turned bad.

but i guess i turned you away
i psuhed you out of my
head becuase
you didn't
seemm to want me
anymore
and so i said whatever
and tried to forget
i tried so hard
but i guess it's hard
to forget love
and to turn you back on
those who you do.

** finish this later maybe**

xoxo
Kyelle