A little part of me still cant believe this is real,
How could my life crash so suddenly;and why cant i heal?
A lifetime of fighting and dysfunction,
Warped senses of happy and nothing but commotion.

Things i build up; friendships and family,
Come crashing down so casually.
Like i built it from nothing but a thin piece of paper,
But it was hard i let my fear waver.

Relationship building is not so easy you see,
Knowing only not to trust is just me being me.
A learnt behavior from a time once before,
That never seems to end- no matter how hard i slam that
door.

Stupid decisions- stupid mistakes,
Someone's slight bit of selfishness is all it takes.
Me,- i give everything so whole-heartidly,
Not caring if i miss out-and doing so happily.

Working my arse off for what im unsure,
To loose out on relationships i build?- cuts to the core.
Within me there is still some hope,
But for how long will it last? And how long will i cope?
Its a dwindled candle that burns softly within,
Another 'crash' and it'll be ready to give in.

Fighting life the unbearable, cruel endurance,
All i get from everyone is reassurance.
From people who dont really understand,
How can they without going through this first hand?

A childhood of abuse, let-down and fear,
This is why im so scared to let anyone near.
Then i wish i wasn't so dismal about life and my future,
Bit it's something i cannot control-people are just who they
are...








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