The daily fight

A little part of me still cant believe this is real, How could my life crash so suddenly;and why cant i heal? A lifetime of fighting and dysfunction, Warped senses of happy and nothing but commotion. Things i build up; friendships and family, Come crashing down so casually. Like i built it from nothing but a thin piece of paper, But it was hard i let my fear waver. Relationship building is not so easy you see, Knowing only not to trust is just me being me. A learnt behavior from a time once before, That never seems to end- no matter how hard i slam that door. Stupid decisions- stupid mistakes, Someone's slight bit of selfishness is all it takes. Me,- i give everything so whole-heartidly, Not caring if i miss out-and doing so happily. Working my arse off for what im unsure, To loose out on relationships i build?- cuts to the core. Within me there is still some hope, But for how long will it last? And how long will i cope? Its a dwindled candle that burns softly within, Another 'crash' and it'll be ready to give in. Fighting life the unbearable, cruel endurance, All i get from everyone is reassurance. From people who dont really understand, How can they without going through this first hand? A childhood of abuse, let-down and fear, This is why im so scared to let anyone near. Then i wish i wasn't so dismal about life and my future, Bit it's something i cannot control-people are just who they are... |