you say to just let it out this is harder then it sounds
just write you say, or just say it dont think about it just
say it, there is no way for me to think about it fills my
head. i dont know whatn i am supposed to say to you i dont
know what i could say that would show you how i feel, If i
stop to think about it then i know i will never say it not
ever and i will always have regret for the rest of my life
but that is nothing new i should be used to that by now, for
my entire life people have left me behind or found someone
better why should it be any different now, i dont know why i
wasted your time or your emotions, i dont deserve any of
them, i write for you so i dont go crazy with hurt, my
writing is... to put simply painful to remove from my body
it must be thought about to think about it i have to accept
that you dont want me, to accept that i have to tell myself
the truth the lat person in the world that i want to tell
the truth to. i cant think of any other way to say these
things. i cant juts sit back and watch this play happen
around me, i want to be the leading role, i want to be your
somebody, i want to be the savior from the loneliness and i
cant because there is already someone alese in that spot and
i cant change anything about that not now not ever, i dont
want to accept it and i probably never will but i hate the
thought and it hurts everytime i think about it, my heart
races my breath quickens, Just friends is racing through my
head again and again. I am letting it out now one last time
before i take back to waiting for how ever long i have to
wait, I know in my heart within every fiber of who i am that
i could be yours i could make you happy i could love you, i
dont want to say it because saying it hurts just as bad as
eccepting it, i know you could love me, i know you think
about it, why cant i say this to you in person my voice is
what makes my poetry, these words are just ink on paper when
you read them, but to me these are my thoughts through and
through. You fill me with feelings i thought were dead to me
that i would never feel again, I know within myself that we
could be together, and i guess i will have to hang on to
that hope like a life line, when i was talking about the
chair of life and chopping off the legs i was thinking you,
i was destroying what was keeping me alive by hurting you,i
just dont know how to say what i want to say, i vent to this
keyboard and it just doesnt mean anything when you read it,
these words cannot compare to my verbal words, i cant put
hurt confusion and love into a keyboard it just doesnt
happen. i dont have anywhere i can hide these emotions they
just keep running out of me and maiking me look like the ass
that i am, why would anyone ever want to be with me i ask
myself this and i dont have any answers, I am scared of the
ending of this story, i am afraid to let you go, i dont know
what to say that will make you see, when you look up from my
poems with a smile it feels so good, and then i get a thumbs
up and oh this is really good and it hurts that the deeper
message cannot be felt not because you dont feel it but
because i am to late, i feel myself getting colder and more
tempermental i dont want to be that guy, the angry loser,
even if thats what i am i wont let you see me that way,
thats not who i am it is who i make myself, i will do
anything that is asked of me, i cast this pain away from me
thay say pain is weakness leaving the body, after this i
should be as cold as remorseless as an executioner. I write
this to you with higher hopes than i should allow myself to
have, what will this piece of paper accomplish, absoluetly
nothing by the way i see it, he sits near when ever i am
such, he worries he will lose you to me, what the fuck do i
have that he doesnt i am not worth anything in this world i
have been convinced of that by the people around me, but you
see me differently you see who i am what i could be, i am
always looking down because my face only darkens a room,
there is nothing about me worth looking at or even
remembering, but you dont believe that you see me for me, i
dont want these feelings to go away again, what i lost so
long ago i have found again, i have waited for you for so
long without even knowing what it was i was waiting for, i
know that if i go back and re read this i will erase it and
never do this again, i have hurt you this i know and now i
tell you things i have told no one before, what am i
thinking writing what will be laughed off as another nervous
ramble, there is a point to my rambling, you, i dont know
how to think when i think of you it fills me up with more
emotions than i have ever had the capapbility of feeling, my
fingers are shaking and my temples are pounding, images of
what could be racing through my head, i dont care how you
take this i am set up for a fall, i want you to know that i
will gladly take the fall, for you i would take the leap,
when i said i dont wait to be shot down i just jump i was
dead serious, i am jumping now this piece of paper my leap
of faith, but i bet you already gathered that, i am nothing
special, i see you in the night your voice calls to me
through my mind, it tells me to do this to let it all out,
ifyou are two steps from the edge than i am on my way over
the ledge just to see if you will catch me, i take my leap
of faith you hold the wings in your hand there are three of
us falling and you hold two sets of wings, that is no a
place i like to imagine but i know i would dive bomb and not
take the wings if the scenario ever arose, you cant save
someone who doesnt want to be saved, but thats the thing i
do want to be saved but its not your responsobility to save
me, i did this to myself and i deserve to fall, i will wait
for you, of this you can be sure whether in the shadows or
the bottom of the cliff, It all dependson my leap of fath.