I want...

I want to give myself a scar. My very first scar that would be on purpose. I want to feel the blood run down. I want to feel some pain. I want to feel the coldness of the blood. Why cant I? Nobody will notice! No one pays attention. Why not just add one little scar onto my arm? Oh yeah! I know why! Because I am to weak! I cant work up the nerve to do it! It just kills me that I cant. I want a way to forget, Even for a little while, The pain I am in right now. But why? Why cant I do it? Why am I so weak? I want to! I want to see the blood. I want to feel it run down my arm. I want to feel a better pain.